UB

When I got back to UB I stayed with a friend's older brother and wife. They have a son in college, studying music, in Korea. When I got there they were watching a Russian soap opera that is on every night. The dad, Naran-suh, perhaps trying to come across as tough said, "I usually don't prefer to watch these kind of shows, but with only one tv I watch them sometimes with my wife." The next night his wife was work and when I came home, what was he doing? Working in front of the tv. What was he watching? His wife's favorite Russian soap opera. haha. I think he tried to compensate a little for me seeing him watching the soap opera because the first night he talked about Chinggis Khan for about 2 hours. He ended up showing me a Japanese film about Mongolia's hero.

In the middle of his Chinggis narative he told me that Chinggis, whose birth name was Temujin, was called Chinggis, because like the word 'tingis' in Mongolian, which means 'ocean,' he thought of himself to be comparatively great and expansive. Another word for ocean in Mongolian is 'dalai,' as in 'Dalai Lama.' The Buddhist priest that is as great and expansive as the sea. I could go all day on random stuff like this. Here's another one. The name of the country Hungary, or 'Ohn-gar' in Mongolian, is a contraction of the words 'Barone' and 'gar,' meaning 'right' and 'hand.' This is because that is where Chinggis' 'right hand' army, or right side army was stationed. (At least that's what Naran-suh told me) Even in Hungarian, where the name for the country is 'Myagar,' you still have the word 'gar' that remains. 'Mya' in Mongolian is slang for crappy so I wonder if the locals decided to give a new adjective to describe Chinggis' army.

Since is was getting late, we skipped through a lot of the Japanese Chinggis Khan movie. At about midnight, an hour into this movie Naran-suh says, "Yeah, this movie isn't actually that good...I'll get you a better one from the store tomorrow." I am now the proud owner of "Chinggis Khan: The 30-part mini series."

So the next day, (before getting home late at night and watching parts 1 and 2 of my new Chinggis Khan miniseries, of course, with Naran-suh) I went to the mission home to drop off some pictures in the branch mailboxes to send to people, that I had taken throughout the previous week. I ran into the mission driver, Botbold, who has been helping mission presidents for about a decade now. As we walked out of the building together I saw one of the American office-elders I had met earlier. He was wearing a custom-made brown suit. "Ahh darn. I forgot that I had wanted to get a suit made." Botbold, always a positive thinker, and wanting to help people out says.

"So why don't you?"

"Because, I'm leaving early in the morning the day after tomorrow."

"So what? You still have time."

"I basically only have a day."

"You have pleeeeeenty of time."

So he had me call his wife who then took me around to buy fabric. Barely thinking twice about whether or not we would be able to find someone who could sew an entire suit in a day (after all if Botbold said it can be done, if can be done. Right?) we bought the fabric for about $60. At this point it was about 5pm. We then went to a couple of seamstresses. One couldn't finish it because she had to go to the doctor the next day. And another seamstress shop wouldn't touch it because they said that there was no way they would finish it in time.

I was starting to second guess Batbold's enthusiasm and confidence that it could be done. A little disappointed that I was already $60 into this decision, his wife called him and he told us we had one more option, a lady who used to make suits for the missionaries in years past. He called her, and she said she was coming from the market but would do it if we could be there when she came home from the market. Wow. So we did a stake-out in front of her house for about 45 minutes waiting for her to come. She took measurements and we agreed on a price: $32.

The best part was the next day I talked to her and she said, "You know you got enough material for a vest too. Do you want one?" "SURE" "Ok then, we'll take some measurements and make you a vest." Sweet. I called her around 9pm that day to check on the status. "Just putting the finishing touches on the vest, but the pants and coat are done. Come on over and pick it up." So now I am not only the proud owner of a 30 part Chinggis Khan series, but a custom 3-piece suite, sewn in a day.

I'm pretty excited to go to Beijing to take a shower. The water line was broken during some construction on a neighboring building, so there hasn't been any running water at the family's house during my stay. High speed internet but no running water is actually a very common living situation here. You crack me up Mongolia.

UB -> Choibalsan

The city of Choibalsan is in northeast Mongolia. It is quite close to the Russian, and Chinese borders. Something about the place gets you when you're there for a while. I don't know if it's the fresh air, the landscape, or the chill people but it has been a long-time favorite place for missionaries to serve. It is a two hour flight, or a 14 hour car drive. The road is paved for about 1/3 of the travel time. It is quite cheap to fly there if you're a Mongolian (about $85) but around $200 to fly as a foreigner (The Mongolian way of business). I decided I would take a mini-bus out and fly back. I may have paid a lot less for that minibus, but it was a LOT more memorable.

By my count the mini-bus had seats for about 27 people. About 11 two-person benches, and a back row with 5 seats. There was no undercarriage luggage storage so everyone fit as much as they could in a small overhead rack. The rest of the luggage, including my backpack, was just piled in the middle of the aisle. That wouldn't have been so bad if there hadn't been, by my best count, 41 people on board. So naturally there were two little kids sitting on my backpack the entire 14 hours. No problem with that. One kid even decided it was nice and soft so he started to jump up and down on it like a trampoline. No problem with that either since I didn't have anything breakable in the bag, except a CD I bought at the St. Besil cathedral in Moscow. I went to check and see if my CD was ok at one of our famous roadside bathroom breaks, and it was fine. However, I noticed a lot of my clothes were a little damp. Either some kid decided to wee-wee on my CD, or the alternative: little kid bum sweat.

About 2 hours into the trip, after we had already taken one bathroom break, a guy from the back row started shouting at the driver. "Hey driver! Can you stop?" No response. (Louder) "Hey Driver!! Can't you stop?!" This continued intermittently for about 5 minutes. "Hey driver!!! I have to go!" He kept shouting at the driver and started to annoy people. Someone yelled back at him to shut-up. "Don't tell me to shut up, I'm just a guy with a body like everyone else, and it has to go!" Then someone yelled back, "What are you, a kid?" "If I was a kid, you'd stop the bus! Kids have to go, adults have to go, we all have to go! Can't you think about someone else and just stop the bus?" At this point he was either gaining some sympathy or just completely annoying everyone because one lady yelled to the bus driver to stop and let this guy go. So he did.

The real hit of trip were the two girls in front of me who kept looking into this cookie tin. I noticed it had a bunch of wholes punched in it. All the little kids gathered around and I saw that they had two turtles. It really freaked out one of the guys in front of them so for a little while, every couple of minutes they poked him, or were putting one of the turtles in his face.

There was a little grubby kid, about a year old, whose older brother had given him some chewing gum. It was really funny to watch this kid play with this gum. Then he dropped it. I realized later that night that my backpack had been the lucky landing spot for this gum.

Oh man, there are plenty of other stories I could tell you about this single, trip. The angry lady who accused the driver of losing her bag. The wheel seat where I sat with my knees to my throat. The way you help a little kid go potty in the wilderness. The 9 hour dirt road. Wild horses. Good stuff.

Ulaanbaatar

On the entire trip thus far I have not eaten so cheaply. On the entire trip thus far I have also not eaten so MUCH. Guess I didn't realize how much I missed Mongolian food. Maybe the German girl at the hostel was right and Mongolian food really IS good. I was served some sketchy meat the other day in Erdenet, but paying $1 for it made me not feel bad about not eating it. We had a joke on my mission that the reason that there are no authentic Mongolian restaurants is that they'd go straight out of business. Sadly, I saw that happen in Provo one year.

In Ulaanbaatar, I served in 3 branches. The longest of which was in the middle of my mission when I served in a branch for about 6 mo. with Elder Cottle (who was an awesome missionary) called Sukhbaatar. We had no one to teach coming in. We worked super hard. At the end of six months we were both transferred before a number of the people we taught ended up being baptized. One of them was a family with a mom and three sons. One of the old branch missionaries, Goyoo, now married in the temple with 2 kids was good enough to take me to see a couple of old friends. We saw some old ward members, an old companion of mine, and this family that I taught.

It was really fun to see them. As my experience has gone, it is one thing to see old friends but an entirely different experience to see people that are still active in the church. The power had gone out when we arrived, but kicked back in by the time we left so the mom was able to cook some dumplings for us. She also served some 'hyarum' basically water and milk, but heated up. Mongolians usually drink a good amount of tea and hyarum. However, church members are quite peculiar in Mongolia because a loooot of tea is consumed there. When she handed my my cup of steaming hyarum, instead of the usual thing you say when you serve a hot drink in Mongolia, "Please drink your tea," she said, "Here, drink your Mormon tea." I laughed really hard. I looked through the photo album of her middle son who was there. He just finished his mission in Mongolia.

He served as a branch president for about a year in a branch outside of Ulaanbaatar. It was fun to see his mission pictures. I found out his little brother was coming back from the Philipines MTC that night to start serving his mission in Mongolia. There was a baptism at the Stake Center the next day, and I ran into him there. I started talking to him about his family and he totally didn't recognize me. Kind of funny because when I last saw him he was about 12. Now he's 19 and about 6'3''. I think he just thought I had served in his branch and that he didn't recognize me because he had been at the MTC. He started to walk away and I grabbed him, "Elder Tuvshin it's me, Skinner." "Yooooi!" That's what you say in Mongolia when you're surprised, or when you are embarrassed. He grabbed me and hugged me before he had to run an errand with his companion.

Erdenet -> Ulaanbaatar

Returning to Mongolia has been a really interesting experience. Since my mission was so long ago and in a country so foreign and far away it sometimes feels like it didn't happen. It's strange to show up in a completely foreign town, not your home, no friends to pick you up, but knowing exactly where you are and how to get everywhere. Going around to the different places seems like chasing your own ghost. Each street corner has a memory, each building a different conversation. It felt like I was in 'A Christmas Carol' or something.

So anyhow, before I left Erdenet I got a used cell phone and a charger, and a one month pre-paid plan for about $20. Not bad, I figured. There were some people in Erdenet that it was hard for me to get in touch with because I didn't have a phone. Definitely worth it. Armed with my new phone, I decided I would take a minivan to the city (Ulaanbaatar). I saved a whole $8 by not taking a car, and it took only about two more hours. Plus! I got to sit in a 13 seat minivan with, by my best count 17 other people. One of the drivers pulled a head rest out of the socket and jammed it in between the seat and the wall. This poor little girl had to sit on it the whole way.

The dude next to me was a herder from the countryside. He was trying to sleep and it was a little like Rusty and Audrey on 'Christmas Vacation.' (If you don't get that reference, how about Buster and Michael...anyone?) I swear we made a thousand stops, not including the 1/2 hour we waited at the driver's house before we even left Erdenet so he could pick up some boxes. All of these stories are being prepped for my next next, book (after the sketchy food book) called 'The Mongolian way of Business.'

As we approached Ulaanbaatar I asked some people which district we were in and realized I probably knew better than them. I was right. I soon found out a taxi wouldn't go near the city center where my hostel was located, so I took a bus.

When I got to the hostel there was this German girl and Tazmanian woman chatting about their adventures. The Tazmanian woman, about 10 minutes earlier, had her purse swiped while crossing the street. The German girl had been living in the countryside with a family for the last month. Brave soul. There were a couple of people like that in our hostel that were raving about their experience, the families, the goats, and especially the food (sheep testicles and all). Skeptical about whether or not they really loved ALL of the food as much as they were claiming, I tried to dig a little deeper. "Did you eat ____?" "Yes, I loved it." "What about ___?" "That was very good." Tough girl eh? So I pulled out the big guns. "Intestine filled with congealed blood?" By the look on her face I could tell that she had eaten it. And that she didn't in fact love ALL Mongolian food. Haha, I KNEW it.

Erdenet

When I showed up in church the next day the first thing I notices was the lady playing the piano, Oyuna. She had been the building cleaner years earlier, when we held our meetings in the Selink Hotel's Restaurant. I played the piano in Erdenet when I was there, and actually gave this lady a few piano lessons when we had no one to play. She obviously stuck with it and was doing pretty well. There were a few other familiar faces that came and spoke with me, including a sister I had served with, and the branch president that had just finished his mission in Russia when I served.

One of the highlights was seeing a girl we taught named Oyunsahun. She was a referral from her friend, a convert taught by my cousin Ryan in Austrailia. I said hi and shook her hand before the senior sister missionary there asked me to translate the meeting. She had no idea who I was, and after the meeting came up to me and asked if she could schedule another time for an English lesson. I realized she still didn't recognize me and stopped and said, "Who were the Elders that taught you?" "There was one guy named Skinner..." "That's me." "Paaaah." Priceless.

Later was when I was sitting in the foyer talking to the sister that I had served with. There was an elder standing a little bit off interested in seeing if he could gather from our conversation who I was. I looked over at him and then at his name tag. "Bat-Sengel." I said out loud. "I used to know a guy in the town of Choibalsan named...." In the middle of my sentence I suddenly recognized him. He was taught by the other set of missionaries while I was in Choibalsan. There were about 5 young men at that time in that town that were all good friends and close with the missionaries. I came to call them the 'Lost Boys' because of their penchant for scheming great plans and big ideas. Two of the Lost Boys were brothers and ran their family's shoe repair shop. Their father was an alcoholic so at times it mainly fell upon them to feed the family. On one occassion some of the Lost Boys came to the missionaries' apartments late at night asking if they could borrow our bikes. The shoe reapair shop was about to go under and they needed to buy some materials to get it going again. Their plan was to borrow the bikes so that they could ride out to an old landfil, fill their backpacks with whatever useful thing they could find, save the shoe repair shop, and save the family. They were all very active in the church, bringing the sacrament bread, helping with tithing, membership clerking, organizing branch family home evening and what have you. Bat-Sengel was one of the Lost Boys. I was stunned as I realized who he was and I started to get up out of my seat, and he jumped forward embrace me, as I did him. It was a moment I will never forget.

I later borrowed the branch missionaries to help me find some old friends. We got in a taxi and after about 30 seconds realized our driver was totally hammered. He was swerving everywhere. Had it not been a Sunday afternoon, or a town with more than two stoplights (installed very recently) I might have been a bit more worried. We visited the branch pianist Oyuna, as I mentioned, a long time member. She recently went to the temple, and is now taking care of her grandson. I was really happy for her dedication, but even more amazed at her grandson. Earlier, in Czech I made reference to a guide that sounded like a news anchor, the movie 'Better Off Dead,' etc. Well I met a sort of Mongolian equivalent to that. Oyuna's, eight year-old grandson has learned English by watching Japanese anime cartoons for about 10 hours a day since he was three. He was pretty good. When I spoke to him the conversation always eventually shifted towards fighting or martial arts in some way, but he was pretty darn good.

Russia - Mongolia (Ulan Ude - Erdenet)

As I mentioned, I took a bus across the Mongolian-Russian border instead of a train. The drive was quite beautiful on the Mongolian side of the border, oddly no so much on the other side. There were two stops along the way. The first bathroom break, and the border/lunch break. The first bathroom break was awesome. Boys on the left side of the road, girls on the right. BYOTP, if you know what I mean.

I met some travelers from France that were pretty interesting. This couple started from Paris, and hitchhiked to Helsinki. They took a bus to St. Petersburg, the Trans-Siberian, and are now planning on finding a Mongolian countryside family to stay with for about a month. And that's not all. After that they're going on to S.E. Asia and will fly back home from Cambodia a year after they left. My mind is blown.

Crossing the Russian border was another FUN border experience. A Russian soldier came aboard and checked everyone's passports and visas. Then we got off and scanned our luggage. Then we stood in line for someone at one of those booth thingys to check our passports and visas again. Thanks to someone along the trip, I had two pen marks on my visa. This is not allowed. Well, it's allowed but you have to wait 5 more minutes than everyone else in line. Luckily a lady appeared from the other side and asked if she could help in translating. Then we filled out exit, and entry cards. Got back on the bus. Another soldier came on and checked our passport stamps. They really need to expedite that process.

The Mongolian side of the border was another story. A soldier got on the bus and started checking passports again. Here we go again, I thought. He checked about five and then got off. hahah, YES. Then the Mongolian booth thingy guy asked me how long I would stay in Mongolia. I started to chat with him in Mongolian explaining how I was a church/English teacher years ago. Then he just said, as closely as I can translate, "Well come on in."

After some sweet Mongolian food, super cheap and tons of it, we got to Darkhan around 4pm. I was the only one to get off along with a lady that got on to exchange money. She helped me find the first car to Erdenet. So I got in with three other guys and we were off. Of course we had to make a stop just outside Darkhan at a store. The guy in the passenger seat comes back with, what else, a bottle of vodka. Oh Mongolia, how I've missed you. Let the good times roll.

I've done the drive between the towns of Darkhan and Erdenet about half a dozen times. It is so beautiful. Of course, you have to honk a number of times for herds of horses and sheep on the roads, but the rolling green hills, big blue sky, and clouds that extend forever is one of my favorite things.

One of the guys passed out after his share of the vodka and was quiet the rest of the way. The other two were old friends and chatted the rest of the way. I spoke with them about a few things. They asked me why I'm not married and offered to introduce me to some hardworking countryside girls.

The driver was an Erdenet local so I asked him to take me to a hotel he thought was cheap. Thus began my entrance to the 'Pyramid Karaoke Hotel.' I went and saw the church that we broke ground for while I was in Erdenet as a missionary and then I got really nostalgic. It was surreal to smell the food, see the landscape, see the people, and hear the language. So I went to my old missionary apartment, and passed by the water fountain in the city center that dances to music- a recent addition that has become quite the hang out.

Before I went to sleep I decided to do one of my famous bathtub laundry loads. I learned in Moscow that the washing is pretty easy, it's the drying you've got to get right. I spent about an hour wringing out the clothes I had washed. My hands were raw. Then I was sung to sleep by some really... hmm... awesome karaoke being sung by inebriated citizens the floor below me.

Ulan Ude

I got to Ulan Ude at 6 in the morning after my last stretch on the Trans-Siberian Railroad. I don't know what lottery I won but I have had my own bunk on each leg of the trip. I did find out an interesting fact on this particular train though- they lock the bathroom doors after midnight.

Ulan Ude seems more Mongolian than Russian to me. Most of the people are of Mongolian descent, and thus look more Asian than Russian. The Buriat dialect of Mongolian is even spoken by a lot of the people, in addition to Russian. Although, it is dying out among the younger generation. Even the name 'Ulan Ude' is Mongolian. It means 'red door.' (Pronounced Oh-lahn oo-day by Russians and Olth-ahn ode by Mongolians) Seems like a fitting name for a town that has acted as gateway for trade between Europe, Russia, and China through the generations.

My guide was a Buriat woman that teaches Tourism in the local college. It was fun to speak a little Mongolian with her. I suspect it was a little like being from Brazil and speaking to someone from Portugal. Actually, it's probably more like being from Utah and listening in on an everyday conversation in Spanish Harlem...every once in a while I would catch a conversation where I could hardly understand half of what was being said. Different vocabulary, and different cultures definitely makes a difference.

I'll be the first to admit that my history lessons thus far, and sources for historical facts have been pretty shady, but they're getting even more shady with the language barrier. Plus I have no internet to check any info. However, let me give you some 'facts' about the area of Ulan Ude, Russia. This area of Russia was predominantly inhabited by the Huns around the third century BC. Around the time of Chinggis Khan it was inhabited by the Merkits (or Mergid in Mongolian) who started the fighting that made Chinggis go postal on the entire world. As the story goes, Chinggis' father pulled a sort of 'Seven Brides for Seven Brothers' (just admit you understand the reference) maneuver and when it came time to take a wife, he literally took a wife - from the Merkits. A generation after, the Merkits repayed the favor and stole the wife of Chinggis. So he swore that he would obtain vengeance and kill every last one of the Merkits.

In the year 1728 a border between Russia and China under the direction of Sava Ragusinski, who was assigned by was formed that separated Russia from its neighbors to the south. The Mongolians living in the area opted to stay and become part of Russia.

The prevailing religion of Mongolia's ancestors is Shamanism. On lake Baikal there is an island that is considered sort of the hub of modern Shamanism where religious 'priests' still perform the rituals of their heritage. The same island has been separated from the world for ages. There are no roads to it, and they only had electricity installed about three years ago. Mongolia eventually became Buddhist (Tibetan Buddhist or Lamaism) and it was recognized as an official religion in Russia in 1741. Coming out of communism it was Josef Stalin that praised the efforts of Lam's to help the country and in 1946 allowed the building of a temple. It is a little outside Ulan Ude and is called the Ivolginski Datsan.

The Ivolginski Datsan is basically a religious compound about 30km outside the city of Ulan Ude. They have a number of temples and the only Buddhist university that existed in Soviet Russia. You can study to become an artist, musician, linguist, etc.

It is really interesting to see how other people worship. From the minute we set foot on the compound we could hear a chant being sung in a low voice, by dozens of lams, and broadcast throughout the yard. At the end of a song there is a series of loud crashes that sounds like a young kid going crazy on a drum set. It was really loud, and kind of eerie.

In one of the temples there were two lams performing a daily ritual that my guide and I took part in. As they read a prayer-chant in Tibetan we faced the front of the temple, that had a whole bunch of images and statuettes, and took hold of some 'white food.' I was holding a box of milk, and I think my guide had yogurt. We walked backwards outside of the door and on the grass, I doused some of my milk, and raised an offering to the gods.

We also passed many a prayer wheel, from the size of a gallon of milk, to the size of a side of beef hanging in a meat market. The wheels have prayers written inside of them. As you pass, in order to pray you give it a spin. Another ritual I witnessed was the walk towards the Green Tara. This god is believed to bless the quickest and in order to receive the blessings all you have to do is touch her hand print rock. The stone, a little bigger than a bowling ball, was found in the area and has a spot that looks like a hand print. The catch is, in order to get the blessings, you have to start from about 15 feet away, and close your eyes and walk towards it. It is set in a display about 4 feet off the ground, and people walk towards it with their eyes closed and arms outstretched, hoping that their hands will find the rock. I didn't see anyone succeed except an old grandma. Lots of years of praying practice, I guess.

Other than that Ulan Ude was pretty chill. I saw the Trinity Church (Russian Orthodox) built from 1740-1780. After we saw the main town square, and victory arch my guide tried to help me change my train ticket for a bus ticket. I found out the bus to Darkhan, Mongolia arrives late afternoon instead of 11pm. And since I wanted to drive straight to a nearby town after that I figured it was better to arrive sooner than later. Getting the bus ticket was no problem, but refunding the train ticket was...well, impossible. I got a 3% refund. Awesome.

Going to the train station etc. gave me some time to talk a little more with my guide. Her grandfather was taken to a Russian work camp (in the 1930s?) on accusations of being a spy for the Japanese. He was executed soon after. Her grandmother, then with children and a small baby had the same fate. Her mom, aunts and uncles were raised in different families. There is a small memorial built to remember those who died during times of government oppression, the worst year being around 1938. I also found out that her father was the Minister of Culture in the state of Buriatia in 1991. A poet himself, he wrote the words of the Buriat Anthem.

Getting kind of anxious to eat some Mongolian food I went to a Mongolian restaurant, 'Modern Nomads,' and ordered a platter of all kinds of Mongolian food. Sooo good.

In the evening I went to the town movie theater where 'Prince of Persia' was playing. I sat outside the theater to see if it would perhaps play in English with Russian subtitles. Then I realized I didn't really want to see it if it was in English. While I was sitting there, there were 2 young boys hanging around the theater. Suddenly the ticket taker lady yelled at one of them to get out. Then a few minutes later he came back in and sat back down. She looked over at the two and in a tired tone of voice said something. They immediately jumped to their feet, thanked her, and ran into the theater. Haha. Movie theater rats. Always bugging that lady so see if they can get open seats. Awesome.

Irkutsk

After a skype call with my research partner and research advisor my ride came to pick me up and take me back to Irkutsk from Listvyanka, the vilage on Lake Baikal. Had a pretty chill day before catching the train at 10pm. That's where I am now, on my last leg of the Trans-Siberian :( to my last Russian town, Ulan-Ude (Mongolian for 'Red Tree' oddly enough). Today I saw some cool stuff. The Irkutsk Art Museum, and some of the original wooden architecture Irkutsk houses. The art museum even had a couple of exhibits of Mongolian and Chinese art.

The further I go east, the more Mongolian it gets. Mongolian words are slipping into street and city names, some of the foods are showing up in the cafes, and a huge percentage of people in Irkutsk are Mongolian. Of Mongolian origin that is. They don't speak Mongolian at all, they look just like they were transplanted from Choibalsan, Mongolia (Not Ulaanbaatar because UB is mostly Khalkh Mongols and Choibalsan is more Buryat ethnicity). They speak Russian because their ancestors just happened to live north when the borders were drawn. It's a little weird to me to see them and know that they wouldn't understand if I started speaking Mongolian. Siberia has an interesting biracial dynamic with the Russians and Mongolians. I think it's the most similar situation I've seen to America yet. Although, France does have a lot of people of Arab, and African descent.

Huge Juice Box

Anyway, I think it's time that I now leave you with yet another sketchy food story. I haven't even scratched the surface with these yet. For what this blog is becoming, it should be properly renamed. Or maybe turned into a book. Maybe something like, "Interesting food, I lived to tell about eating." Or maybe, "Sketchy times, sketchy people, sketchier food." Maybe you can suggest a good title. Anway, without further ado...

So, a couple of hours ago I'm thinking, "Hmm, what do I want to eat for dinner. I have a train to catch soon so maybe I'll just get something quick. Should I grab something at 'Domino Pizza?' That could be fun, or should I try and see if my equation still holds that 'Israeli Shwarma > Siberian Shwarma' (And it's not even close. Here they put this like really saucy carrot cole slaw in it, and roll it in a crepe...not cool Siberia. Not cool) ...wait, I smell something good." So I pop into this stand right next to a bus stop, and peruse the menu. As I may have mentioned, I can barely get myself water, and to the toilet in Russian, so I might as well throw darts at the menu.

But anyway I notice 'perogi,' which, if it's anything like the perogi they have in Pittsburgh, it will be a flour dumpling with some goodness in it. So I order me a Perogi. Then I get a little sketched out because the lady there puts something in the microwave. (This microwave thing has happened a couple of times the past week) Sketchy. Then she hands me this huge loaf of bread. mmm. Looks good. Smells good. It's warm. Good choice I have made. So I head close by, and sit next to the bust of Josef Stalin on Lenin street to start enjoying my perogi. Mmm, there IS some goodness in it. There's some baked onions, and some meat. Mmm. Wait. I see something shiny. This meat is fish. There's a whole fish baked into my loaf of bread. Sketchy. I was so hungry I didn't care though. Until I started to get full, and the sketchiness that was this food started to enter my brain. Luckily I was distracted by the Elders who walked by again and I shoved the rest in my mouth as I ran to go chat with them. I like to think that fish perogi would've been Jesus' favorite meal. Convenient for feeding 5,000.

Lake Baikal - Listvyanka

Recently I learned that McDonald's, KFC, and HJM have all of Europe locked DOWN. They are everywhere. Similarly it has come to my attention that the missionaries of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have the city of Irkutsk locked down. They have this place scoped OUT. I only say that because I ran into them on five separate occasions in the past 3 days.

My first day in Irkutsk, my guide was just finishing showing me the city after a few hours on a walking tour and I see two white shirts running at a very swift gate ahead of me. Ha, it's the missionaries. I didn't run up to talk to them and was feeling kind of guilty. No worries though.

One of my favorite things to do is to go unrecognized. I don't know why. In Mongolia I taught an entire semester of 3 English classes not speaking a word of Mongolian. On graduation day I walked into the classrooms, wrote a message on the board in Mongolian. As everyone started whispering, hoping their worst fears weren't true (that I had understood everything they had said about me) I began to read the message to them and then added a few words of parting of my own. The looks on their faces was priceless.

Anyway, yesterday I visited the wooden architecture display on the way from Irkutsk to Lake Baikal. It has original buildings, and recreations of a lot of the original city of Irkutsk. They transplanted it to the hills so that it could be preserved. It kind of reminded me of going to Nauvoo, or Kirtland. They've got houses, the church, the blacksmith's shop etc. all built out of logs as it would've appeared in Irkutsk in the 19-20 century. As we were walking from one of the exhibits to another I see 4 elders, 2 sisters and a senior sister missionary walking across the path. They all pass in front of us as I decided to have a little fun with one of the elders. I cut off the very last elder from the group. "Hey Elder, how is the work going?" Looking a little confused he answered, "Good, a little slow though." "Too bad. Russian coming along well?" And so on until he stops me and says, "Hey wait, who ARE you?" I told them I was from U.S. No way. Utah, in fact. No way. I'm LDS. No way. I served a mission in Mongolia. No way. Anyway, I chatted with the group, the entire Irkutsk Zone, in fact before we parted ways.

A few hours later, I ran into them again at the Lake. We snapped a photo and went our separate ways. As we left I mused, "Running into the missionary's on p-day at Lake Baikal in Eastern Siberia." And in the immortal words of Elder Zinger, "What are the odds?"

I stayed in a cabin a little ways off of the lake. I had some shish kebab. I told you, I'm powerless to street-meat, and a Mongolian rice and beef dish. Oh yeah, I saw a seal show too. Nope, not Heidi Klum's, but Slippy and Slappy at the dome, down just a little ways from my cabin. Lake Baikal has (among many species unique to it) the Earth's only fresh water seals. These two were found injured, by poachers, when they were taken in. Now trained, they clapped, they danced to music, they played the trumpet, they jumped out of the pool and hit the ball. They were great. The funnest part though was to watch the face of the little girl, who is about my niece's age (4 or 5-ish), in complete surprise at each new trick they did.

Irkutsk

This city has some cool history behind it. It was the capital city for the 'White Army' which was in opposition to the 'Red Army' that eventually won out during the Russian Civil War after the Revolution of 1917. It was the site of a number of conflicts between the Reds and Whites. There is a monument for Admiral Kolchak, leader of the white army, who was executed in Irkutsk in 1920. His life is the subject of the 2008 movie 'Admiral.' It got great reviews from the Ukrainian sister missionary I met here. It's definitely on my 'To Watch' list now. He received support from Japan, in the form of gold, in the civil war efforts.

Irkutsk was a place of exile for many artists, officers, and nobles in the 1800s. Many of them were 'Decembrists,' or those who took part in the December revolt against Czar Nicholas I. They contributed a lot to the cultural and intellectual development of the area. There is a church here where many of the 'Decembrists' are buried. Many of their wooden houses still exist in the middle of the city. The houses have really decorative hand-carved outer trimming: windows, frames, shutters, and roof overhangs.

(Me and Alex III, whose contributions helped complete the Trans-Siberian)

There is also a monument for the Trans-Siberian railway. The first train arrived in Irkutsk in 1898, carrying Nicholas II. The from St. Petersburg to Vladivostok which now could be completed in days, previously took three months to do. Irkutsk was never in serfdom and thus had some wealthy entrepreneurs that helped in its development. It has always been a gateway for trade between China and Europe. The Russian writer Chekhov, compared Irkutsk to Paris, and it was nicknamed the Paris of Siberia.

Ekaterinburg

So I'm finally getting the feeling back in my tongue. (haha, that's a weird sentence to start with). The other night I got into Ekaterinburg a little late and wanted to get some food. If you want to get food 24 hrs a day the train station is always a good bet, plus I'd seen a place advertising Uzbek food, so I ventured back to the station to try it out. I didn't know I had ordered soup, but I did. OWWW, burning. That happened to me in Mongolia all of the time. I think they heat up the soup and hand it to you as soon as it's boiling. Plus, I'm pretty sure that the grease and the oil that they put in it actually boils somewhere near thousand degrees. Anyway, it was probably a good thing because the 'pizza' that I had the next night, more like pizza loaf, was pretty interesting. I won't describe it to you but I liked it.

Ekaterinburg is a pretty cool town. Our man Boris Yeltsin grew up in the outskirts and went to the Ural university to attend college. Ekaterinburg is in the Ural area, about 200km from the Ural mountains. So basically it is on the border between Europe and Asia. It's like the third capital of Russia, Moscow being the financial, St. Petersburg the cultural, and Ekaterinburg the industrial capital. They didn't allow foreigners into Ekaterinburg during the communist era so it's not what I would call a very touristy town. I visited some cool stuff though, like the Russian Orthodox church built in memorial of the family Czar Nicholas II. They were the last Russian royal (or Romanov) family. They were all murdered, in 1918, in a house where the church now stands. They were the family with the son Alex who was a hemopheliac, and daughter Anastasia. The one who either escaped, or who others claimed to be so they could claim the fortune deposited in British bank accouns. There is also a monastery about 20 min outside the city that I went to, that has about 7 different small churches built up.

The monastery is built over the mining shafts where the remains of the family were taken. Remember what I said about Russian orthodox churches being very elaborate and decorative, in general? Wrong. These churches are built out of wood, without a single nail. They're basically like one room log cabins with some icons, and candles inside.

I had a guide take me to the churches. She had red hair and kind of looked like my sister's Raggedy-Ann (no idea how to spell that) doll that she had when she was younger. In between the church trips I went to a farmer's market just off of Lenin Street, the main road. There was a guy grilling and his tent said that he was the 'Ural Master' so naturally I went and had some beef from the master. Pretty good. (Not that I could taste it completely because my tongue had melted off the night before, but I guessed that it was pretty good)

One of the more interesting things I saw was a Soviet war monument. I talked a little bit before, in Budapest, about how Soviet monuments are all very similar. Well there were a bunch that fit the standard model in Ekaterinburg, except for one, called the Black Tulip. It does have a soldier, but it's not Zhukov, or Lenin, and instead of raising his machine gun high in the air, he is sitting on the ground dejected. Around the monument are the names of local soldiers, who have died in conflicts since 1945. Definitely a different kind of memorial.

Anyway, I'm on the Trans-Siberian right now. I'll post this when I get to Irkutsk. I got on the train about 36 hours ago... I think. I'm kind of losing track of time. We stopped in Novosibirsk last night and are about 16 hours away from Irkutsk right now. I met 3 other Americans (no, 2 Americans, 1 Canadian) that are about my age. Two guys and a girl. One of the guys and girl are moving from New York City to Kansas and taking a break in between a job at Ernst and Young, and doing a PhD in accounting in Kansas. They started in St. Petersburg and are going to Mongolia for a few days, before Beijing. In Mongolia they're going to stay with a family in a ger, or yurt. They asked me about the food and said that they'd heard horror stories. I don't think my musings about horse milk, and sheep intestine blood sausage allayed any of their concerns. Haha, poor kids. They don't know what's about to hit 'em.

List of conflicts/dates pulled off of the Black Tulip Memorial

Ethiopia '77-'79

Libya '82

Mozambiqe '67-'69, '75-'79

Syria '67-'70,'72-'73,'82

Koba? '62-'89

Yemen '62-'63,'67-'69

Egypt '62-'63, '67-'72,'73-'74,'74-'76

Vietnam '61-'74

Algiers? '62-'64

Laos '60-'63,'64-'68,'69-'70

Korea '50-'53

Bengria? '56

Khalkin-gol (Mongolia?) '39

Japan '45

Spain '36-'39

Khasan? '38

Finland '39-'40

Kitae? '24-'27,'37-'44,'45,'46-'49,'50

Moscow

Do you remember the part in the new Star Trek movie (hey, make fun of the reference all you want but I know you've all seen it) where the young Russian guy, Chekov, beams someone aboard and then goes, "Yo-Mayo!"? Something like, 'Holy crap!' Well, my flight was delayed and rerouted because the airspace over Denmark was closed because all ground communications had failed there. We got to Stockholm (holla D!) 5 minutes before my connecting flight to Moscow was supposed to leave. As I'm running through the Stockholm airport to make the Moscow connection, which they were doing a last call for, there were two Russian guys running with me. We were all going as fast as we could to gate F65 when the terminal dead-ended at gate F39. As we turn around to run all the way back down the terminal one of the Russian guys, exasperated, blurts out a "Yo-Mayo!" I understood because everything I know, I learned from movies.

When I got to my hotel I ventured out to get some food. I ate at the first place I found. It had green discoball lights swirling around the room and 'America's Next Top Model' playing on a tv in the far corner. Bonus. I ordered, somehow, and was enjoying some Bulgarian Beef when the karaoke started. Double bonus.

I don't even know where to begin to start summarizing all the cool stuff I saw. I had a guide who ran me ragged physically and mentally. Yo-Mayo! This guy knows volumes about Russia and felt obligated to unload them on me. We started at the Kremlin and Red Square and the next day we took a car around to see everything else: Bolshoi Theater, former KGB headquarters, the Stalin skyscrapers, Cathedral of Christ the Savior, Tolstoy's neighborhood, Sparrow Hill, The 1980 Olympic complex, Swan lake, the Novodevichii Nunnery and cemetery where we saw the graves of Yeltsin, Khrushchev, Molotov- the minister of foreign affairs under Stalin, Mikhalkov- the Soviet national anthem lyricist (remember Rocky IV)...

Kremlin

The Kremlin is the place where the original fortress of Moscow was founded in 1147 out of logs of pine. St. Petersburg was the capital of Russia before the revolution of 1917, which was moved because Moscow was a more secure location. Russia itself had foundations much earlier than Moscow, in the 9th century by Swedish prince Rurik (holla D!). Apparently 'Rus' is a word of Swedish origin that means 'army,' and more particularly the army which defended the area. Thus the name of the country was born.

Russia became Christian in 988 when Prince Vladimir converted and outlawed paganism. In 1054 the Russians split with the Catholic church and have not recognized each other since. Unlike the Catholic church which has a pope, considered to be the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Russian Orthodox church has a Metropolitan, who is elected. In several cases the Metropolitan has been voted out of office. Russian cathedrals have a little different feel than Roman catholic. In Roman Catholic cathedrals, in my experience it is common to see plenty of undecorated stone which gives a very rustic feel. Russian orthodox churches however have walls and columns are completely covered, decorated with figures and scenes. For example, the columns of the Dormitian Cathedral are painted with images of martyrs, the 'pillars' of the church.

In Russian history among the Czars (a Russian take on 'Caesar') there were three rulers who stand out among them all.

• Ivan the Terrible 1532-1584
• Peter the Great 1696 - 1725
• Stalin 1924-1953

In 1953 Moscow had a population of about 500,000. When the Passport regime was abolished, which allowed citizens to move within the country, the population grew to about 7 million by 1980. Now there are about 20 million inhabitants, about 10 million of which are migrants from former soviet states, the largest influx being from Azerbaijan.

Anyway, the Kremlin is walled in on a hill and contains:

• The Ex Palace of the Congress of the Communist Party, now a concert hall
• The Senate, or Yellow House, where Lenin used to live, and where the President now works
• The Square of Cathedrals:

Dormitian Cathedral, where coronations and the Holy Virgin of Vladimir painted in Constantinople used to reside. They say that as the Germans approached Moscow in December of 1941 that Stalin had all of his troops blessed by the icon. Shortly thereafter the Germans began to retreat, and the story goes that the war wasn't won by a change in strategy or tactic, but by Stalin's change of attitude.

Cathedral of Michael the Archangel, housing 48 tombs of former Russian religious and political figures including Ivan the Terrible

The Cathedral of the Annunciation, where Czars used to baptize their children

• The Monastery of the Miracle, now the President's administration building
• The Armory, one of the richest museums in Russia

The Armory is amazing. Catherine the Great's wedding gown. Original horse carriages of the Czars. Priestly robes. Carl Faberge jewelry eggs. Elaborately decorated Cathedral scriptures decorated with sapphires, rubies, and emeralds the size of golf balls. (Apparently Ivan the Terrible had a thing for blue sapphires. Although banned by the church, he felt that they could keep nightmares away, and help him foresee enemy conspiracies) Gifts from foreign emissaries for hundreds of years: medieval suits of armor, Persian swords, Swedish (holla D!) drinking bowls, French dishes (Catherine the Great loved France, and it became common for nobles to hire French nannies so their children would grow up speaking French)

Red Square

This is where the famous Cathedral of St. Besil stands, with the elaborate colors, and spires in the shape of bulbs patterned after the flame of a candle. On the sides of the square you have a cemetery with the graves of Lenin and Stalin and other heroes. Behind it you have the National history museum. And on the other side, there is the GUM Department Store/Shopping mall. Three levels, and three different legs. Quite a nice place. At the entry to Red Square you have 'Kilometer Zero.' The point from which all distances in Russia are measured. There is also a huge statue of Zhukov, the Russian WWII general, then promoted to Marshall. There are two men who have been awarded Russia's highest military medal of honor twice- Zhukov and Stalin.

Metro

Moscow's metro system is pretty amazing. It is the world's third largest behind New York, and London. They say if you just line up all the escalators on top of each other it would go 37km high. The largest metro station has platforms with total length of 850m. There are a number of metro stations that have statues, or mosaics and paintings. For example the Kiev station was built in 1954 to commemorate 300 years since the unification of Russia and Ukraine. On the walls there are scenes depicting Ukrainian life. One of the main stations is finished with white marble to make it look like a palace. Stalin believed that it's the workers of the country that should be able to feel like they're in a palace.

Vodka

I told my guide that when I was in Mongolia, the Mongolians said that they learned to drink from the Russians. According to my guide, Finish people drink even more than Russians do. Interesting. He also said that before Peter the Great, drinking was only allowed two times per year, Christmas and Easter. But Peter the Great allowed drinking. He was also the first to introduce museums to Russia. He even offered free vodka to museum goers.

Wow, I really want to keep going but this is getting kind of ridiculous. I will have you know that the Trans-Siberian is treating me well. On my way to Yekaterinburg.

Eastward

On my way from Belgium to Stockholm (holla D!), I decided to pen a little poem.

Ode To My Joy

Goodbye strudel. Auf wiedersehen bratwurst. God speed English breakfast with your baked beans. Goodbye dough-like stuff called dumplings by Czech people. Farewell Hungarian beef. Bye bye schnitzel. Ciao gelato. Ciao pizza. Goodbye Belgian waffles and that goodness they put inside of you. Good riddance crepes, and my all my hopes that you have crushed. Au revoir French bakeries and your sweet, sweet smells. Goodbye chocolate of all lands and denominations, especially you Belgian- you have been the one for me.

Paris

Let me impart an impression or two (since, I'm an impressionist now--wah wah) about the non-sight seeing part of the trip. Firstly, if you ever come across the 'Agile Hostel of Paris,' don't be fooled. It is actually a 'Comfort Inn.' That was a pleasant surprise. Unpleasant surprise- to read the sign on the door at midnight our first night that said, 'Outer doors lock at 10pm. Use the key code to get in.' I stood dumbfounded for a while before realizing it was written on our key card.

Another pleasant surprise is that the metros stop running at 1am. Hey, don't blame me for being out so late, it was free museum night until midnight. You would've done the same. Can't get enough Van Gogh and Monet. Lastly, what's the deal with crepes? I still think people who like crepes have been sold a bill of goods. Feel free to weigh-in. French pastries on the other hand, that's something I can get behind. When you can make an entire metro station smell like a bakery, instead of a Manhattan urinal, now that's something to center a Sunday night gathering in Provo around.

Now for my fun facts of Paris:

Versailles

Treaties, kings, Marie Antoinette, need I say more? Probably. Before Louis XIV got his hands on this place it was his father's hunting lodge. The hall of mirrors- one of the most famous rooms in the world. The gardens- amazing. The French are very skilled at planting trees in straight lines. And now I know why gold is so precious. The gold on the facade and gates make this place look like a painting.

The Louvre

Home to 350,000 artifacts, only a fraction of which are on display. The Mona Lisa, Venus de Milo, the Code of Hammurabi (Holla Dad!). On the outside, Voltaire's nose is falling off. So there's a big net cast over him until they decide what to do with it. Now I know where Apple Inc. got the idea for their 5th Avenue underground store.

Arc du Carousel

Built by Napoleon in 1808, out of line with the axis of Paris. Chariots 'gifted' from St. Mark's cathedral in Venice, and figures from the Brandenburg gate in Berlin. Now Brandenburg gate is said to have figures positioned to keep one eye pointed towards the French embassy.

Notre Dame

The story goes that an impatient Napoleon took the crown right out of the Pope's hands and put it on himself during the coronation ceremony. The building, in disrepair, was planned for demolition, but saved (at least in part) by the fame of Victor Hugo's book about the hunchback.

Pont Neuf

Of 'Bourne Identity' fame. Built by Henry IV. Had the first raised pedestrian sidewalk. Great idea for travelers who usually had to walk through an open sewage system. The sides are lined with sculptures of faces. They are said to come from the party celebrating the finishing of the bridge when Henry IV got his royal sketchers to draw 300 of his present associates. One has a guy sticking his tongue out. Another looks like he's about to barf.

Institute of France

Inside which one of the academies houses 'the immortals,' defenders of the French language, from outside impurities. Win - French uses its own word for 'computer.' Fail - 'Le weekend.' Also, the gender of the 'ipod' is male.

Bridge of Arts

Does anyone know the film that started the tradition of putting a lock on a bridge with your significant other, and throwing away the key into the river? More importantly, does anyone ever read this far?

Gardens of the Royal Palace

Where the French revolution began with a citizen jumping on a table, and shouting, "Citizens, no time to lose, the firing of Nicer is the ringing of bells..." and two days they storm the Bastille on the 14th of July. Only to find there is no ammo there and only 7 prisoners. They later storm the army hospital and get 30,000 muskets.

Opera House

Of the novel 'Phantom of the Opera' fame.

The Eiffel Tower

Is actually painted three different colors to give the appearance of one. Built in 1889- commemorating 100 year anniversary of Bastille day as the entrance to the World's Fair. only intended to stay up 20 years but a radio antenna made it quite useful during wartime. Was the tallest structure until 1930 when the Chrysler building beat it.

The Obelisk

Around 3300 years old from Luxor. By the Champs-Élysées, and next to the fountain from 'The Devil Wears Prada.' (Holla...anyone who has seen that). The gold on the tip was actually donated by Yves Saint Laurent.

Arc de Triomphe

Underneath is the tomb of the unknown soldier and the eternal flame. Wasn't so eternal in 1998 when Mexicans did an old fashioned 'Boy Scout-put out' on it after Brazil lost the world cup to France.

Musée d'Orsay

Also built for the World's Fair. I really liked this one. Van Gogh, Rodin, Monet. Impressionism amazes me. (Holla Sister Fischer).

Montmartre

Molin Rouge

Means 'Red Windmill.' Built same year as Eiffel Tower. Currently 80% of the dancers are Australian.

Van Gogh's House

Strange guy. Great paintings. They said he cleaned his brushes by sucking the paint off.

The Windmill of Montmartre

When Russians laid seige to Paris they destroyed the 15 of the 16 windmills so the people wouldn't be able to make wheat. Site of Renoir's windmill painting.

The Nimble Bunny Cafe

Where Picasso would trade art for food. The owner later became a very rich man.

Church of the Sacred Heart

Built as thanks to God for not being wiped off of the map by the Prussians in 1871. Has Roman, Byzantine, and Gothic architecture. Separate bell towers, domes, and gargoyles.

Le Bateau Lavoir

Where Picasso lived with Modigliani. Picasso was enraged when a robber came in thrashed their apt and stole some of Modigliani's work and not his own. Picasso and Modigliani had a falling out and later Modigliani broke into Picasso's home and stole his work.