Caged Wisdom Speaks

UB

2010-07-05T22:37:00.001-04:00

When I got back to UB I stayed with a friend's older brother and wife. They have a son in college, studying music, in Korea. When I got there they were watching a Russian soap opera that is on every night. The dad, Naran-suh, perhaps trying to come across as tough said, "I usually don't prefer to watch these kind of shows, but with only one tv I watch them sometimes with my wife." The next night his wife was work and when I came home, what was he doing? Working in front of the tv. What was he watching? His wife's favorite Russian soap opera. haha. I think he tried to compensate a little for me seeing him watching the soap opera because the first night he talked about Chinggis Khan for about 2 hours. He ended up showing me a Japanese film about Mongolia's hero.

In the middle of his Chinggis narative he told me that Chinggis, whose birth name was Temujin, was called Chinggis, because like the word 'tingis' in Mongolian, which means 'ocean,' he thought of himself to be comparatively great and expansive. Another word for ocean in Mongolian is 'dalai,' as in 'Dalai Lama.' The Buddhist priest that is as great and expansive as the sea. I could go all day on random stuff like this. Here's another one. The name of the country Hungary, or 'Ohn-gar' in Mongolian, is a contraction of the words 'Barone' and 'gar,' meaning 'right' and 'hand.' This is because that is where Chinggis' 'right hand' army, or right side army was stationed. (At least that's what Naran-suh told me) Even in Hungarian, where the name for the country is 'Myagar,' you still have the word 'gar' that remains. 'Mya' in Mongolian is slang for crappy so I wonder if the locals decided to give a new adjective to describe Chinggis' army.

Since is was getting late, we skipped through a lot of the Japanese Chinggis Khan movie. At about midnight, an hour into this movie Naran-suh says, "Yeah, this movie isn't actually that good...I'll get you a better one from the store tomorrow." I am now the proud owner of "Chinggis Khan: The 30-part mini series."

So the next day, (before getting home late at night and watching parts 1 and 2 of my new Chinggis Khan miniseries, of course, with Naran-suh) I went to the mission home to drop off some pictures in the branch mailboxes to send to people, that I had taken throughout the previous week. I ran into the mission driver, Botbold, who has been helping mission presidents for about a decade now. As we walked out of the building together I saw one of the American office-elders I had met earlier. He was wearing a custom-made brown suit. "Ahh darn. I forgot that I had wanted to get a suit made." Botbold, always a positive thinker, and wanting to help people out says.

"So why don't you?"

"Because, I'm leaving early in the morning the day after tomorrow."

"So what? You still have time."

"I basically only have a day."

"You have pleeeeeenty of time."

So he had me call his wife who then took me around to buy fabric. Barely thinking twice about whether or not we would be able to find someone who could sew an entire suit in a day (after all if Botbold said it can be done, if can be done. Right?) we bought the fabric for about $60. At this point it was about 5pm. We then went to a couple of seamstresses. One couldn't finish it because she had to go to the doctor the next day. And another seamstress shop wouldn't touch it because they said that there was no way they would finish it in time.

I was starting to second guess Batbold's enthusiasm and confidence that it could be done. A little disappointed that I was already $60 into this decision, his wife called him and he told us we had one more option, a lady who used to make suits for the missionaries in years past. He called her, and she said she was coming from the market but would do it if we could be there when she came home from the market. Wow. So we did a stake-out in front of her house for about 45 minutes waiting for her to come. She took measurements and we agreed on a price: $32.

The best part was the next day I talked to her and she said, "You know you got enough material for a vest too. Do you want one?" "SURE" "Ok then, we'll take some measurements and make you a vest." Sweet. I called her around 9pm that day to check on the status. "Just putting the finishing touches on the vest, but the pants and coat are done. Come on over and pick it up." So now I am not only the proud owner of a 30 part Chinggis Khan series, but a custom 3-piece suite, sewn in a day.

I'm pretty excited to go to Beijing to take a shower. The water line was broken during some construction on a neighboring building, so there hasn't been any running water at the family's house during my stay. High speed internet but no running water is actually a very common living situation here. You crack me up Mongolia.

UB -> Choibalsan

2010-07-01T12:06:00.002-04:00

The city of Choibalsan is in northeast Mongolia. It is quite close to the Russian, and Chinese borders. Something about the place gets you when you're there for a while. I don't know if it's the fresh air, the landscape, or the chill people but it has been a long-time favorite place for missionaries to serve. It is a two hour flight, or a 14 hour car drive. The road is paved for about 1/3 of the travel time. It is quite cheap to fly there if you're a Mongolian (about $85) but around $200 to fly as a foreigner (The Mongolian way of business). I decided I would take a mini-bus out and fly back. I may have paid a lot less for that minibus, but it was a LOT more memorable.

By my count the mini-bus had seats for about 27 people. About 11 two-person benches, and a back row with 5 seats. There was no undercarriage luggage storage so everyone fit as much as they could in a small overhead rack. The rest of the luggage, including my backpack, was just piled in the middle of the aisle. That wouldn't have been so bad if there hadn't been, by my best count, 41 people on board. So naturally there were two little kids sitting on my backpack the entire 14 hours. No problem with that. One kid even decided it was nice and soft so he started to jump up and down on it like a trampoline. No problem with that either since I didn't have anything breakable in the bag, except a CD I bought at the St. Besil cathedral in Moscow. I went to check and see if my CD was ok at one of our famous roadside bathroom breaks, and it was fine. However, I noticed a lot of my clothes were a little damp. Either some kid decided to wee-wee on my CD, or the alternative: little kid bum sweat.

About 2 hours into the trip, after we had already taken one bathroom break, a guy from the back row started shouting at the driver. "Hey driver! Can you stop?" No response. (Louder) "Hey Driver!! Can't you stop?!" This continued intermittently for about 5 minutes. "Hey driver!!! I have to go!" He kept shouting at the driver and started to annoy people. Someone yelled back at him to shut-up. "Don't tell me to shut up, I'm just a guy with a body like everyone else, and it has to go!" Then someone yelled back, "What are you, a kid?" "If I was a kid, you'd stop the bus! Kids have to go, adults have to go, we all have to go! Can't you think about someone else and just stop the bus?" At this point he was either gaining some sympathy or just completely annoying everyone because one lady yelled to the bus driver to stop and let this guy go. So he did.

The real hit of trip were the two girls in front of me who kept looking into this cookie tin. I noticed it had a bunch of wholes punched in it. All the little kids gathered around and I saw that they had two turtles. It really freaked out one of the guys in front of them so for a little while, every couple of minutes they poked him, or were putting one of the turtles in his face.

There was a little grubby kid, about a year old, whose older brother had given him some chewing gum. It was really funny to watch this kid play with this gum. Then he dropped it. I realized later that night that my backpack had been the lucky landing spot for this gum.

Oh man, there are plenty of other stories I could tell you about this single, trip. The angry lady who accused the driver of losing her bag. The wheel seat where I sat with my knees to my throat. The way you help a little kid go potty in the wilderness. The 9 hour dirt road. Wild horses. Good stuff.

Ulaanbaatar

2010-06-29T22:03:00.000-04:00

On the entire trip thus far I have not eaten so cheaply. On the entire trip thus far I have also not eaten so MUCH. Guess I didn't realize how much I missed Mongolian food. Maybe the German girl at the hostel was right and Mongolian food really IS good. I was served some sketchy meat the other day in Erdenet, but paying $1 for it made me not feel bad about not eating it. We had a joke on my mission that the reason that there are no authentic Mongolian restaurants is that they'd go straight out of business. Sadly, I saw that happen in Provo one year.

In Ulaanbaatar, I served in 3 branches. The longest of which was in the middle of my mission when I served in a branch for about 6 mo. with Elder Cottle (who was an awesome missionary) called Sukhbaatar. We had no one to teach coming in. We worked super hard. At the end of six months we were both transferred before a number of the people we taught ended up being baptized. One of them was a family with a mom and three sons. One of the old branch missionaries, Goyoo, now married in the temple with 2 kids was good enough to take me to see a couple of old friends. We saw some old ward members, an old companion of mine, and this family that I taught.

It was really fun to see them. As my experience has gone, it is one thing to see old friends but an entirely different experience to see people that are still active in the church. The power had gone out when we arrived, but kicked back in by the time we left so the mom was able to cook some dumplings for us. She also served some 'hyarum' basically water and milk, but heated up. Mongolians usually drink a good amount of tea and hyarum. However, church members are quite peculiar in Mongolia because a loooot of tea is consumed there. When she handed my my cup of steaming hyarum, instead of the usual thing you say when you serve a hot drink in Mongolia, "Please drink your tea," she said, "Here, drink your Mormon tea." I laughed really hard. I looked through the photo album of her middle son who was there. He just finished his mission in Mongolia.

He served as a branch president for about a year in a branch outside of Ulaanbaatar. It was fun to see his mission pictures. I found out his little brother was coming back from the Philipines MTC that night to start serving his mission in Mongolia. There was a baptism at the Stake Center the next day, and I ran into him there. I started talking to him about his family and he totally didn't recognize me. Kind of funny because when I last saw him he was about 12. Now he's 19 and about 6'3''. I think he just thought I had served in his branch and that he didn't recognize me because he had been at the MTC. He started to walk away and I grabbed him, "Elder Tuvshin it's me, Skinner." "Yooooi!" That's what you say in Mongolia when you're surprised, or when you are embarrassed. He grabbed me and hugged me before he had to run an errand with his companion.

Erdenet -> Ulaanbaatar

2010-06-28T03:58:00.002-04:00

Returning to Mongolia has been a really interesting experience. Since my mission was so long ago and in a country so foreign and far away it sometimes feels like it didn't happen. It's strange to show up in a completely foreign town, not your home, no friends to pick you up, but knowing exactly where you are and how to get everywhere. Going around to the different places seems like chasing your own ghost. Each street corner has a memory, each building a different conversation. It felt like I was in 'A Christmas Carol' or something.

So anyhow, before I left Erdenet I got a used cell phone and a charger, and a one month pre-paid plan for about $20. Not bad, I figured. There were some people in Erdenet that it was hard for me to get in touch with because I didn't have a phone. Definitely worth it. Armed with my new phone, I decided I would take a minivan to the city (Ulaanbaatar). I saved a whole $8 by not taking a car, and it took only about two more hours. Plus! I got to sit in a 13 seat minivan with, by my best count 17 other people. One of the drivers pulled a head rest out of the socket and jammed it in between the seat and the wall. This poor little girl had to sit on it the whole way.

The dude next to me was a herder from the countryside. He was trying to sleep and it was a little like Rusty and Audrey on 'Christmas Vacation.' (If you don't get that reference, how about Buster and Michael...anyone?) I swear we made a thousand stops, not including the 1/2 hour we waited at the driver's house before we even left Erdenet so he could pick up some boxes. All of these stories are being prepped for my next next, book (after the sketchy food book) called 'The Mongolian way of Business.'

As we approached Ulaanbaatar I asked some people which district we were in and realized I probably knew better than them. I was right. I soon found out a taxi wouldn't go near the city center where my hostel was located, so I took a bus.

When I got to the hostel there was this German girl and Tazmanian woman chatting about their adventures. The Tazmanian woman, about 10 minutes earlier, had her purse swiped while crossing the street. The German girl had been living in the countryside with a family for the last month. Brave soul. There were a couple of people like that in our hostel that were raving about their experience, the families, the goats, and especially the food (sheep testicles and all). Skeptical about whether or not they really loved ALL of the food as much as they were claiming, I tried to dig a little deeper. "Did you eat ____?" "Yes, I loved it." "What about ___?" "That was very good." Tough girl eh? So I pulled out the big guns. "Intestine filled with congealed blood?" By the look on her face I could tell that she had eaten it. And that she didn't in fact love ALL Mongolian food. Haha, I KNEW it.

Erdenet

2010-06-21T12:18:00.001-04:00

When I showed up in church the next day the first thing I notices was the lady playing the piano, Oyuna. She had been the building cleaner years earlier, when we held our meetings in the Selink Hotel's Restaurant. I played the piano in Erdenet when I was there, and actually gave this lady a few piano lessons when we had no one to play. She obviously stuck with it and was doing pretty well. There were a few other familiar faces that came and spoke with me, including a sister I had served with, and the branch president that had just finished his mission in Russia when I served.

One of the highlights was seeing a girl we taught named Oyunsahun. She was a referral from her friend, a convert taught by my cousin Ryan in Austrailia. I said hi and shook her hand before the senior sister missionary there asked me to translate the meeting. She had no idea who I was, and after the meeting came up to me and asked if she could schedule another time for an English lesson. I realized she still didn't recognize me and stopped and said, "Who were the Elders that taught you?" "There was one guy named Skinner..." "That's me." "Paaaah." Priceless.

Later was when I was sitting in the foyer talking to the sister that I had served with. There was an elder standing a little bit off interested in seeing if he could gather from our conversation who I was. I looked over at him and then at his name tag. "Bat-Sengel." I said out loud. "I used to know a guy in the town of Choibalsan named...." In the middle of my sentence I suddenly recognized him. He was taught by the other set of missionaries while I was in Choibalsan. There were about 5 young men at that time in that town that were all good friends and close with the missionaries. I came to call them the 'Lost Boys' because of their penchant for scheming great plans and big ideas. Two of the Lost Boys were brothers and ran their family's shoe repair shop. Their father was an alcoholic so at times it mainly fell upon them to feed the family. On one occassion some of the Lost Boys came to the missionaries' apartments late at night asking if they could borrow our bikes. The shoe reapair shop was about to go under and they needed to buy some materials to get it going again. Their plan was to borrow the bikes so that they could ride out to an old landfil, fill their backpacks with whatever useful thing they could find, save the shoe repair shop, and save the family. They were all very active in the church, bringing the sacrament bread, helping with tithing, membership clerking, organizing branch family home evening and what have you. Bat-Sengel was one of the Lost Boys. I was stunned as I realized who he was and I started to get up out of my seat, and he jumped forward embrace me, as I did him. It was a moment I will never forget.

I later borrowed the branch missionaries to help me find some old friends. We got in a taxi and after about 30 seconds realized our driver was totally hammered. He was swerving everywhere. Had it not been a Sunday afternoon, or a town with more than two stoplights (installed very recently) I might have been a bit more worried. We visited the branch pianist Oyuna, as I mentioned, a long time member. She recently went to the temple, and is now taking care of her grandson. I was really happy for her dedication, but even more amazed at her grandson. Earlier, in Czech I made reference to a guide that sounded like a news anchor, the movie 'Better Off Dead,' etc. Well I met a sort of Mongolian equivalent to that. Oyuna's, eight year-old grandson has learned English by watching Japanese anime cartoons for about 10 hours a day since he was three. He was pretty good. When I spoke to him the conversation always eventually shifted towards fighting or martial arts in some way, but he was pretty darn good.

Russia - Mongolia (Ulan Ude - Erdenet)

2010-06-17T09:09:00.000-04:00

As I mentioned, I took a bus across the Mongolian-Russian border instead of a train. The drive was quite beautiful on the Mongolian side of the border, oddly no so much on the other side. There were two stops along the way. The first bathroom break, and the border/lunch break. The first bathroom break was awesome. Boys on the left side of the road, girls on the right. BYOTP, if you know what I mean.

I met some travelers from France that were pretty interesting. This couple started from Paris, and hitchhiked to Helsinki. They took a bus to St. Petersburg, the Trans-Siberian, and are now planning on finding a Mongolian countryside family to stay with for about a month. And that's not all. After that they're going on to S.E. Asia and will fly back home from Cambodia a year after they left. My mind is blown.

Crossing the Russian border was another FUN border experience. A Russian soldier came aboard and checked everyone's passports and visas. Then we got off and scanned our luggage. Then we stood in line for someone at one of those booth thingys to check our passports and visas again. Thanks to someone along the trip, I had two pen marks on my visa. This is not allowed. Well, it's allowed but you have to wait 5 more minutes than everyone else in line. Luckily a lady appeared from the other side and asked if she could help in translating. Then we filled out exit, and entry cards. Got back on the bus. Another soldier came on and checked our passport stamps. They really need to expedite that process.

The Mongolian side of the border was another story. A soldier got on the bus and started checking passports again. Here we go again, I thought. He checked about five and then got off. hahah, YES. Then the Mongolian booth thingy guy asked me how long I would stay in Mongolia. I started to chat with him in Mongolian explaining how I was a church/English teacher years ago. Then he just said, as closely as I can translate, "Well come on in."

After some sweet Mongolian food, super cheap and tons of it, we got to Darkhan around 4pm. I was the only one to get off along with a lady that got on to exchange money. She helped me find the first car to Erdenet. So I got in with three other guys and we were off. Of course we had to make a stop just outside Darkhan at a store. The guy in the passenger seat comes back with, what else, a bottle of vodka. Oh Mongolia, how I've missed you. Let the good times roll.

I've done the drive between the towns of Darkhan and Erdenet about half a dozen times. It is so beautiful. Of course, you have to honk a number of times for herds of horses and sheep on the roads, but the rolling green hills, big blue sky, and clouds that extend forever is one of my favorite things.

One of the guys passed out after his share of the vodka and was quiet the rest of the way. The other two were old friends and chatted the rest of the way. I spoke with them about a few things. They asked me why I'm not married and offered to introduce me to some hardworking countryside girls.

The driver was an Erdenet local so I asked him to take me to a hotel he thought was cheap. Thus began my entrance to the 'Pyramid Karaoke Hotel.' I went and saw the church that we broke ground for while I was in Erdenet as a missionary and then I got really nostalgic. It was surreal to smell the food, see the landscape, see the people, and hear the language. So I went to my old missionary apartment, and passed by the water fountain in the city center that dances to music- a recent addition that has become quite the hang out.

Before I went to sleep I decided to do one of my famous bathtub laundry loads. I learned in Moscow that the washing is pretty easy, it's the drying you've got to get right. I spent about an hour wringing out the clothes I had washed. My hands were raw. Then I was sung to sleep by some really... hmm... awesome karaoke being sung by inebriated citizens the floor below me.

Ulan Ude

2010-06-15T02:14:00.004-04:00

I got to Ulan Ude at 6 in the morning after my last stretch on the Trans-Siberian Railroad. I don't know what lottery I won but I have had my own bunk on each leg of the trip. I did find out an interesting fact on this particular train though- they lock the bathroom doors after midnight.

Ulan Ude seems more Mongolian than Russian to me. Most of the people are of Mongolian descent, and thus look more Asian than Russian. The Buriat dialect of Mongolian is even spoken by a lot of the people, in addition to Russian. Although, it is dying out among the younger generation. Even the name 'Ulan Ude' is Mongolian. It means 'red door.' (Pronounced Oh-lahn oo-day by Russians and Olth-ahn ode by Mongolians) Seems like a fitting name for a town that has acted as gateway for trade between Europe, Russia, and China through the generations.

My guide was a Buriat woman that teaches Tourism in the local college. It was fun to speak a little Mongolian with her. I suspect it was a little like being from Brazil and speaking to someone from Portugal. Actually, it's probably more like being from Utah and listening in on an everyday conversation in Spanish Harlem...every once in a while I would catch a conversation where I could hardly understand half of what was being said. Different vocabulary, and different cultures definitely makes a difference.

I'll be the first to admit that my history lessons thus far, and sources for historical facts have been pretty shady, but they're getting even more shady with the language barrier. Plus I have no internet to check any info. However, let me give you some 'facts' about the area of Ulan Ude, Russia. This area of Russia was predominantly inhabited by the Huns around the third century BC. Around the time of Chinggis Khan it was inhabited by the Merkits (or Mergid in Mongolian) who started the fighting that made Chinggis go postal on the entire world. As the story goes, Chinggis' father pulled a sort of 'Seven Brides for Seven Brothers' (just admit you understand the reference) maneuver and when it came time to take a wife, he literally took a wife - from the Merkits. A generation after, the Merkits repayed the favor and stole the wife of Chinggis. So he swore that he would obtain vengeance and kill every last one of the Merkits.

In the year 1728 a border between Russia and China under the direction of Sava Ragusinski, who was assigned by was formed that separated Russia from its neighbors to the south. The Mongolians living in the area opted to stay and become part of Russia.

The prevailing religion of Mongolia's ancestors is Shamanism. On lake Baikal there is an island that is considered sort of the hub of modern Shamanism where religious 'priests' still perform the rituals of their heritage. The same island has been separated from the world for ages. There are no roads to it, and they only had electricity installed about three years ago. Mongolia eventually became Buddhist (Tibetan Buddhist or Lamaism) and it was recognized as an official religion in Russia in 1741. Coming out of communism it was Josef Stalin that praised the efforts of Lam's to help the country and in 1946 allowed the building of a temple. It is a little outside Ulan Ude and is called the Ivolginski Datsan.

The Ivolginski Datsan is basically a religious compound about 30km outside the city of Ulan Ude. They have a number of temples and the only Buddhist university that existed in Soviet Russia. You can study to become an artist, musician, linguist, etc.

It is really interesting to see how other people worship. From the minute we set foot on the compound we could hear a chant being sung in a low voice, by dozens of lams, and broadcast throughout the yard. At the end of a song there is a series of loud crashes that sounds like a young kid going crazy on a drum set. It was really loud, and kind of eerie.

In one of the temples there were two lams performing a daily ritual that my guide and I took part in. As they read a prayer-chant in Tibetan we faced the front of the temple, that had a whole bunch of images and statuettes, and took hold of some 'white food.' I was holding a box of milk, and I think my guide had yogurt. We walked backwards outside of the door and on the grass, I doused some of my milk, and raised an offering to the gods.

We also passed many a prayer wheel, from the size of a gallon of milk, to the size of a side of beef hanging in a meat market. The wheels have prayers written inside of them. As you pass, in order to pray you give it a spin. Another ritual I witnessed was the walk towards the Green Tara. This god is believed to bless the quickest and in order to receive the blessings all you have to do is touch her hand print rock. The stone, a little bigger than a bowling ball, was found in the area and has a spot that looks like a hand print. The catch is, in order to get the blessings, you have to start from about 15 feet away, and close your eyes and walk towards it. It is set in a display about 4 feet off the ground, and people walk towards it with their eyes closed and arms outstretched, hoping that their hands will find the rock. I didn't see anyone succeed except an old grandma. Lots of years of praying practice, I guess.

Other than that Ulan Ude was pretty chill. I saw the Trinity Church (Russian Orthodox) built from 1740-1780. After we saw the main town square, and victory arch my guide tried to help me change my train ticket for a bus ticket. I found out the bus to Darkhan, Mongolia arrives late afternoon instead of 11pm. And since I wanted to drive straight to a nearby town after that I figured it was better to arrive sooner than later. Getting the bus ticket was no problem, but refunding the train ticket was...well, impossible. I got a 3% refund. Awesome.

Going to the train station etc. gave me some time to talk a little more with my guide. Her grandfather was taken to a Russian work camp (in the 1930s?) on accusations of being a spy for the Japanese. He was executed soon after. Her grandmother, then with children and a small baby had the same fate. Her mom, aunts and uncles were raised in different families. There is a small memorial built to remember those who died during times of government oppression, the worst year being around 1938. I also found out that her father was the Minister of Culture in the state of Buriatia in 1991. A poet himself, he wrote the words of the Buriat Anthem.

Getting kind of anxious to eat some Mongolian food I went to a Mongolian restaurant, 'Modern Nomads,' and ordered a platter of all kinds of Mongolian food. Sooo good.

In the evening I went to the town movie theater where 'Prince of Persia' was playing. I sat outside the theater to see if it would perhaps play in English with Russian subtitles. Then I realized I didn't really want to see it if it was in English. While I was sitting there, there were 2 young boys hanging around the theater. Suddenly the ticket taker lady yelled at one of them to get out. Then a few minutes later he came back in and sat back down. She looked over at the two and in a tired tone of voice said something. They immediately jumped to their feet, thanked her, and ran into the theater. Haha. Movie theater rats. Always bugging that lady so see if they can get open seats. Awesome.

Irkutsk

2010-05-28T12:25:00.003-04:00

After a skype call with my research partner and research advisor my ride came to pick me up and take me back to Irkutsk from Listvyanka, the vilage on Lake Baikal. Had a pretty chill day before catching the train at 10pm. That's where I am now, on my last leg of the Trans-Siberian :( to my last Russian town, Ulan-Ude (Mongolian for 'Red Tree' oddly enough). Today I saw some cool stuff. The Irkutsk Art Museum, and some of the original wooden architecture Irkutsk houses. The art museum even had a couple of exhibits of Mongolian and Chinese art.

The further I go east, the more Mongolian it gets. Mongolian words are slipping into street and city names, some of the foods are showing up in the cafes, and a huge percentage of people in Irkutsk are Mongolian. Of Mongolian origin that is. They don't speak Mongolian at all, they look just like they were transplanted from Choibalsan, Mongolia (Not Ulaanbaatar because UB is mostly Khalkh Mongols and Choibalsan is more Buryat ethnicity). They speak Russian because their ancestors just happened to live north when the borders were drawn. It's a little weird to me to see them and know that they wouldn't understand if I started speaking Mongolian. Siberia has an interesting biracial dynamic with the Russians and Mongolians. I think it's the most similar situation I've seen to America yet. Although, France does have a lot of people of Arab, and African descent.

Huge Juice Box

Anyway, I think it's time that I now leave you with yet another sketchy food story. I haven't even scratched the surface with these yet. For what this blog is becoming, it should be properly renamed. Or maybe turned into a book. Maybe something like, "Interesting food, I lived to tell about eating." Or maybe, "Sketchy times, sketchy people, sketchier food." Maybe you can suggest a good title. Anway, without further ado...

So, a couple of hours ago I'm thinking, "Hmm, what do I want to eat for dinner. I have a train to catch soon so maybe I'll just get something quick. Should I grab something at 'Domino Pizza?' That could be fun, or should I try and see if my equation still holds that 'Israeli Shwarma > Siberian Shwarma' (And it's not even close. Here they put this like really saucy carrot cole slaw in it, and roll it in a crepe...not cool Siberia. Not cool) ...wait, I smell something good." So I pop into this stand right next to a bus stop, and peruse the menu. As I may have mentioned, I can barely get myself water, and to the toilet in Russian, so I might as well throw darts at the menu.

But anyway I notice 'perogi,' which, if it's anything like the perogi they have in Pittsburgh, it will be a flour dumpling with some goodness in it. So I order me a Perogi. Then I get a little sketched out because the lady there puts something in the microwave. (This microwave thing has happened a couple of times the past week) Sketchy. Then she hands me this huge loaf of bread. mmm. Looks good. Smells good. It's warm. Good choice I have made. So I head close by, and sit next to the bust of Josef Stalin on Lenin street to start enjoying my perogi. Mmm, there IS some goodness in it. There's some baked onions, and some meat. Mmm. Wait. I see something shiny. This meat is fish. There's a whole fish baked into my loaf of bread. Sketchy. I was so hungry I didn't care though. Until I started to get full, and the sketchiness that was this food started to enter my brain. Luckily I was distracted by the Elders who walked by again and I shoved the rest in my mouth as I ran to go chat with them. I like to think that fish perogi would've been Jesus' favorite meal. Convenient for feeding 5,000.

Lake Baikal - Listvyanka

2010-05-28T12:14:00.005-04:00

Recently I learned that McDonald's, KFC, and HJM have all of Europe locked DOWN. They are everywhere. Similarly it has come to my attention that the missionaries of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have the city of Irkutsk locked down. They have this place scoped OUT. I only say that because I ran into them on five separate occasions in the past 3 days.

My first day in Irkutsk, my guide was just finishing showing me the city after a few hours on a walking tour and I see two white shirts running at a very swift gate ahead of me. Ha, it's the missionaries. I didn't run up to talk to them and was feeling kind of guilty. No worries though.

One of my favorite things to do is to go unrecognized. I don't know why. In Mongolia I taught an entire semester of 3 English classes not speaking a word of Mongolian. On graduation day I walked into the classrooms, wrote a message on the board in Mongolian. As everyone started whispering, hoping their worst fears weren't true (that I had understood everything they had said about me) I began to read the message to them and then added a few words of parting of my own. The looks on their faces was priceless.

Anyway, yesterday I visited the wooden architecture display on the way from Irkutsk to Lake Baikal. It has original buildings, and recreations of a lot of the original city of Irkutsk. They transplanted it to the hills so that it could be preserved. It kind of reminded me of going to Nauvoo, or Kirtland. They've got houses, the church, the blacksmith's shop etc. all built out of logs as it would've appeared in Irkutsk in the 19-20 century. As we were walking from one of the exhibits to another I see 4 elders, 2 sisters and a senior sister missionary walking across the path. They all pass in front of us as I decided to have a little fun with one of the elders. I cut off the very last elder from the group. "Hey Elder, how is the work going?" Looking a little confused he answered, "Good, a little slow though." "Too bad. Russian coming along well?" And so on until he stops me and says, "Hey wait, who ARE you?" I told them I was from U.S. No way. Utah, in fact. No way. I'm LDS. No way. I served a mission in Mongolia. No way. Anyway, I chatted with the group, the entire Irkutsk Zone, in fact before we parted ways.

A few hours later, I ran into them again at the Lake. We snapped a photo and went our separate ways. As we left I mused, "Running into the missionary's on p-day at Lake Baikal in Eastern Siberia." And in the immortal words of Elder Zinger, "What are the odds?"

I stayed in a cabin a little ways off of the lake. I had some shish kebab. I told you, I'm powerless to street-meat, and a Mongolian rice and beef dish. Oh yeah, I saw a seal show too. Nope, not Heidi Klum's, but Slippy and Slappy at the dome, down just a little ways from my cabin. Lake Baikal has (among many species unique to it) the Earth's only fresh water seals. These two were found injured, by poachers, when they were taken in. Now trained, they clapped, they danced to music, they played the trumpet, they jumped out of the pool and hit the ball. They were great. The funnest part though was to watch the face of the little girl, who is about my niece's age (4 or 5-ish), in complete surprise at each new trick they did.

Irkutsk

2010-05-28T11:50:00.007-04:00

This city has some cool history behind it. It was the capital city for the 'White Army' which was in opposition to the 'Red Army' that eventually won out during the Russian Civil War after the Revolution of 1917. It was the site of a number of conflicts between the Reds and Whites. There is a monument for Admiral Kolchak, leader of the white army, who was executed in Irkutsk in 1920. His life is the subject of the 2008 movie 'Admiral.' It got great reviews from the Ukrainian sister missionary I met here. It's definitely on my 'To Watch' list now. He received support from Japan, in the form of gold, in the civil war efforts.

Irkutsk was a place of exile for many artists, officers, and nobles in the 1800s. Many of them were 'Decembrists,' or those who took part in the December revolt against Czar Nicholas I. They contributed a lot to the cultural and intellectual development of the area. There is a church here where many of the 'Decembrists' are buried. Many of their wooden houses still exist in the middle of the city. The houses have really decorative hand-carved outer trimming: windows, frames, shutters, and roof overhangs.

(Me and Alex III, whose contributions helped complete the Trans-Siberian)

There is also a monument for the Trans-Siberian railway. The first train arrived in Irkutsk in 1898, carrying Nicholas II. The from St. Petersburg to Vladivostok which now could be completed in days, previously took three months to do. Irkutsk was never in serfdom and thus had some wealthy entrepreneurs that helped in its development. It has always been a gateway for trade between China and Europe. The Russian writer Chekhov, compared Irkutsk to Paris, and it was nicknamed the Paris of Siberia.

Ekaterinburg

2010-05-24T21:28:00.006-04:00

So I'm finally getting the feeling back in my tongue. (haha, that's a weird sentence to start with). The other night I got into Ekaterinburg a little late and wanted to get some food. If you want to get food 24 hrs a day the train station is always a good bet, plus I'd seen a place advertising Uzbek food, so I ventured back to the station to try it out. I didn't know I had ordered soup, but I did. OWWW, burning. That happened to me in Mongolia all of the time. I think they heat up the soup and hand it to you as soon as it's boiling. Plus, I'm pretty sure that the grease and the oil that they put in it actually boils somewhere near thousand degrees. Anyway, it was probably a good thing because the 'pizza' that I had the next night, more like pizza loaf, was pretty interesting. I won't describe it to you but I liked it.

Ekaterinburg is a pretty cool town. Our man Boris Yeltsin grew up in the outskirts and went to the Ural university to attend college. Ekaterinburg is in the Ural area, about 200km from the Ural mountains. So basically it is on the border between Europe and Asia. It's like the third capital of Russia, Moscow being the financial, St. Petersburg the cultural, and Ekaterinburg the industrial capital. They didn't allow foreigners into Ekaterinburg during the communist era so it's not what I would call a very touristy town. I visited some cool stuff though, like the Russian Orthodox church built in memorial of the family Czar Nicholas II. They were the last Russian royal (or Romanov) family. They were all murdered, in 1918, in a house where the church now stands. They were the family with the son Alex who was a hemopheliac, and daughter Anastasia. The one who either escaped, or who others claimed to be so they could claim the fortune deposited in British bank accouns. There is also a monastery about 20 min outside the city that I went to, that has about 7 different small churches built up.

The monastery is built over the mining shafts where the remains of the family were taken. Remember what I said about Russian orthodox churches being very elaborate and decorative, in general? Wrong. These churches are built out of wood, without a single nail. They're basically like one room log cabins with some icons, and candles inside.

I had a guide take me to the churches. She had red hair and kind of looked like my sister's Raggedy-Ann (no idea how to spell that) doll that she had when she was younger. In between the church trips I went to a farmer's market just off of Lenin Street, the main road. There was a guy grilling and his tent said that he was the 'Ural Master' so naturally I went and had some beef from the master. Pretty good. (Not that I could taste it completely because my tongue had melted off the night before, but I guessed that it was pretty good)

One of the more interesting things I saw was a Soviet war monument. I talked a little bit before, in Budapest, about how Soviet monuments are all very similar. Well there were a bunch that fit the standard model in Ekaterinburg, except for one, called the Black Tulip. It does have a soldier, but it's not Zhukov, or Lenin, and instead of raising his machine gun high in the air, he is sitting on the ground dejected. Around the monument are the names of local soldiers, who have died in conflicts since 1945. Definitely a different kind of memorial.

Anyway, I'm on the Trans-Siberian right now. I'll post this when I get to Irkutsk. I got on the train about 36 hours ago... I think. I'm kind of losing track of time. We stopped in Novosibirsk last night and are about 16 hours away from Irkutsk right now. I met 3 other Americans (no, 2 Americans, 1 Canadian) that are about my age. Two guys and a girl. One of the guys and girl are moving from New York City to Kansas and taking a break in between a job at Ernst and Young, and doing a PhD in accounting in Kansas. They started in St. Petersburg and are going to Mongolia for a few days, before Beijing. In Mongolia they're going to stay with a family in a ger, or yurt. They asked me about the food and said that they'd heard horror stories. I don't think my musings about horse milk, and sheep intestine blood sausage allayed any of their concerns. Haha, poor kids. They don't know what's about to hit 'em.

List of conflicts/dates pulled off of the Black Tulip Memorial

Ethiopia '77-'79

Libya '82

Mozambiqe '67-'69, '75-'79

Syria '67-'70,'72-'73,'82

Koba? '62-'89

Yemen '62-'63,'67-'69

Egypt '62-'63, '67-'72,'73-'74,'74-'76

Vietnam '61-'74

Algiers? '62-'64

Laos '60-'63,'64-'68,'69-'70

Korea '50-'53

Bengria? '56

Khalkin-gol (Mongolia?) '39

Japan '45

Spain '36-'39

Khasan? '38

Finland '39-'40

Kitae? '24-'27,'37-'44,'45,'46-'49,'50

Moscow

2010-05-21T11:59:00.011-04:00

Do you remember the part in the new Star Trek movie (hey, make fun of the reference all you want but I know you've all seen it) where the young Russian guy, Chekov, beams someone aboard and then goes, "Yo-Mayo!"? Something like, 'Holy crap!' Well, my flight was delayed and rerouted because the airspace over Denmark was closed because all ground communications had failed there. We got to Stockholm (holla D!) 5 minutes before my connecting flight to Moscow was supposed to leave. As I'm running through the Stockholm airport to make the Moscow connection, which they were doing a last call for, there were two Russian guys running with me. We were all going as fast as we could to gate F65 when the terminal dead-ended at gate F39. As we turn around to run all the way back down the terminal one of the Russian guys, exasperated, blurts out a "Yo-Mayo!" I understood because everything I know, I learned from movies.

When I got to my hotel I ventured out to get some food. I ate at the first place I found. It had green discoball lights swirling around the room and 'America's Next Top Model' playing on a tv in the far corner. Bonus. I ordered, somehow, and was enjoying some Bulgarian Beef when the karaoke started. Double bonus.

I don't even know where to begin to start summarizing all the cool stuff I saw. I had a guide who ran me ragged physically and mentally. Yo-Mayo! This guy knows volumes about Russia and felt obligated to unload them on me. We started at the Kremlin and Red Square and the next day we took a car around to see everything else: Bolshoi Theater, former KGB headquarters, the Stalin skyscrapers, Cathedral of Christ the Savior, Tolstoy's neighborhood, Sparrow Hill, The 1980 Olympic complex, Swan lake, the Novodevichii Nunnery and cemetery where we saw the graves of Yeltsin, Khrushchev, Molotov- the minister of foreign affairs under Stalin, Mikhalkov- the Soviet national anthem lyricist (remember Rocky IV)...

Kremlin

The Kremlin is the place where the original fortress of Moscow was founded in 1147 out of logs of pine. St. Petersburg was the capital of Russia before the revolution of 1917, which was moved because Moscow was a more secure location. Russia itself had foundations much earlier than Moscow, in the 9th century by Swedish prince Rurik (holla D!). Apparently 'Rus' is a word of Swedish origin that means 'army,' and more particularly the army which defended the area. Thus the name of the country was born.

Russia became Christian in 988 when Prince Vladimir converted and outlawed paganism. In 1054 the Russians split with the Catholic church and have not recognized each other since. Unlike the Catholic church which has a pope, considered to be the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Russian Orthodox church has a Metropolitan, who is elected. In several cases the Metropolitan has been voted out of office. Russian cathedrals have a little different feel than Roman catholic. In Roman Catholic cathedrals, in my experience it is common to see plenty of undecorated stone which gives a very rustic feel. Russian orthodox churches however have walls and columns are completely covered, decorated with figures and scenes. For example, the columns of the Dormitian Cathedral are painted with images of martyrs, the 'pillars' of the church.

In Russian history among the Czars (a Russian take on 'Caesar') there were three rulers who stand out among them all.

Ivan the Terrible 1532-1584
Peter the Great 1696 - 1725
Stalin 1924-1953

In 1953 Moscow had a population of about 500,000. When the Passport regime was abolished, which allowed citizens to move within the country, the population grew to about 7 million by 1980. Now there are about 20 million inhabitants, about 10 million of which are migrants from former soviet states, the largest influx being from Azerbaijan.

Anyway, the Kremlin is walled in on a hill and contains:

The Ex Palace of the Congress of the Communist Party, now a concert hall
The Senate, or Yellow House, where Lenin used to live, and where the President now works
The Square of Cathedrals:

Dormitian Cathedral, where coronations and the Holy Virgin of Vladimir painted in Constantinople used to reside. They say that as the Germans approached Moscow in December of 1941 that Stalin had all of his troops blessed by the icon. Shortly thereafter the Germans began to retreat, and the story goes that the war wasn't won by a change in strategy or tactic, but by Stalin's change of attitude.

Cathedral of Michael the Archangel, housing 48 tombs of former Russian religious and political figures including Ivan the Terrible

The Cathedral of the Annunciation, where Czars used to baptize their children

The Monastery of the Miracle, now the President's administration building
The Armory, one of the richest museums in Russia

The Armory is amazing. Catherine the Great's wedding gown. Original horse carriages of the Czars. Priestly robes. Carl Faberge jewelry eggs. Elaborately decorated Cathedral scriptures decorated with sapphires, rubies, and emeralds the size of golf balls. (Apparently Ivan the Terrible had a thing for blue sapphires. Although banned by the church, he felt that they could keep nightmares away, and help him foresee enemy conspiracies) Gifts from foreign emissaries for hundreds of years: medieval suits of armor, Persian swords, Swedish (holla D!) drinking bowls, French dishes (Catherine the Great loved France, and it became common for nobles to hire French nannies so their children would grow up speaking French)

Red Square

This is where the famous Cathedral of St. Besil stands, with the elaborate colors, and spires in the shape of bulbs patterned after the flame of a candle. On the sides of the square you have a cemetery with the graves of Lenin and Stalin and other heroes. Behind it you have the National history museum. And on the other side, there is the GUM Department Store/Shopping mall. Three levels, and three different legs. Quite a nice place. At the entry to Red Square you have 'Kilometer Zero.' The point from which all distances in Russia are measured. There is also a huge statue of Zhukov, the Russian WWII general, then promoted to Marshall. There are two men who have been awarded Russia's highest military medal of honor twice- Zhukov and Stalin.

Metro

Moscow's metro system is pretty amazing. It is the world's third largest behind New York, and London. They say if you just line up all the escalators on top of each other it would go 37km high. The largest metro station has platforms with total length of 850m. There are a number of metro stations that have statues, or mosaics and paintings. For example the Kiev station was built in 1954 to commemorate 300 years since the unification of Russia and Ukraine. On the walls there are scenes depicting Ukrainian life. One of the main stations is finished with white marble to make it look like a palace. Stalin believed that it's the workers of the country that should be able to feel like they're in a palace.

Vodka

I told my guide that when I was in Mongolia, the Mongolians said that they learned to drink from the Russians. According to my guide, Finish people drink even more than Russians do. Interesting. He also said that before Peter the Great, drinking was only allowed two times per year, Christmas and Easter. But Peter the Great allowed drinking. He was also the first to introduce museums to Russia. He even offered free vodka to museum goers.

Wow, I really want to keep going but this is getting kind of ridiculous. I will have you know that the Trans-Siberian is treating me well. On my way to Yekaterinburg.

Eastward

2010-05-21T11:55:00.002-04:00

On my way from Belgium to Stockholm (holla D!), I decided to pen a little poem.

Ode To My Joy

Goodbye strudel. Auf wiedersehen bratwurst. God speed English breakfast with your baked beans. Goodbye dough-like stuff called dumplings by Czech people. Farewell Hungarian beef. Bye bye schnitzel. Ciao gelato. Ciao pizza. Goodbye Belgian waffles and that goodness they put inside of you. Good riddance crepes, and my all my hopes that you have crushed. Au revoir French bakeries and your sweet, sweet smells. Goodbye chocolate of all lands and denominations, especially you Belgian- you have been the one for me.

Paris

2010-05-21T11:34:00.005-04:00

Let me impart an impression or two (since, I'm an impressionist now--wah wah) about the non-sight seeing part of the trip. Firstly, if you ever come across the 'Agile Hostel of Paris,' don't be fooled. It is actually a 'Comfort Inn.' That was a pleasant surprise. Unpleasant surprise- to read the sign on the door at midnight our first night that said, 'Outer doors lock at 10pm. Use the key code to get in.' I stood dumbfounded for a while before realizing it was written on our key card.

Another pleasant surprise is that the metros stop running at 1am. Hey, don't blame me for being out so late, it was free museum night until midnight. You would've done the same. Can't get enough Van Gogh and Monet. Lastly, what's the deal with crepes? I still think people who like crepes have been sold a bill of goods. Feel free to weigh-in. French pastries on the other hand, that's something I can get behind. When you can make an entire metro station smell like a bakery, instead of a Manhattan urinal, now that's something to center a Sunday night gathering in Provo around.

Now for my fun facts of Paris:

Versailles

Treaties, kings, Marie Antoinette, need I say more? Probably. Before Louis XIV got his hands on this place it was his father's hunting lodge. The hall of mirrors- one of the most famous rooms in the world. The gardens- amazing. The French are very skilled at planting trees in straight lines. And now I know why gold is so precious. The gold on the facade and gates make this place look like a painting.

The Louvre

Home to 350,000 artifacts, only a fraction of which are on display. The Mona Lisa, Venus de Milo, the Code of Hammurabi (Holla Dad!). On the outside, Voltaire's nose is falling off. So there's a big net cast over him until they decide what to do with it. Now I know where Apple Inc. got the idea for their 5th Avenue underground store.

Arc du Carousel

Built by Napoleon in 1808, out of line with the axis of Paris. Chariots 'gifted' from St. Mark's cathedral in Venice, and figures from the Brandenburg gate in Berlin. Now Brandenburg gate is said to have figures positioned to keep one eye pointed towards the French embassy.

Notre Dame

The story goes that an impatient Napoleon took the crown right out of the Pope's hands and put it on himself during the coronation ceremony. The building, in disrepair, was planned for demolition, but saved (at least in part) by the fame of Victor Hugo's book about the hunchback.

Pont Neuf

Of 'Bourne Identity' fame. Built by Henry IV. Had the first raised pedestrian sidewalk. Great idea for travelers who usually had to walk through an open sewage system. The sides are lined with sculptures of faces. They are said to come from the party celebrating the finishing of the bridge when Henry IV got his royal sketchers to draw 300 of his present associates. One has a guy sticking his tongue out. Another looks like he's about to barf.

Institute of France

Inside which one of the academies houses 'the immortals,' defenders of the French language, from outside impurities. Win - French uses its own word for 'computer.' Fail - 'Le weekend.' Also, the gender of the 'ipod' is male.

Bridge of Arts

Does anyone know the film that started the tradition of putting a lock on a bridge with your significant other, and throwing away the key into the river? More importantly, does anyone ever read this far?

Gardens of the Royal Palace

Where the French revolution began with a citizen jumping on a table, and shouting, "Citizens, no time to lose, the firing of Nicer is the ringing of bells..." and two days they storm the Bastille on the 14th of July. Only to find there is no ammo there and only 7 prisoners. They later storm the army hospital and get 30,000 muskets.

Opera House

Of the novel 'Phantom of the Opera' fame.

The Eiffel Tower

Is actually painted three different colors to give the appearance of one. Built in 1889- commemorating 100 year anniversary of Bastille day as the entrance to the World's Fair. only intended to stay up 20 years but a radio antenna made it quite useful during wartime. Was the tallest structure until 1930 when the Chrysler building beat it.

The Obelisk

Around 3300 years old from Luxor. By the Champs-Élysées, and next to the fountain from 'The Devil Wears Prada.' (Holla...anyone who has seen that). The gold on the tip was actually donated by Yves Saint Laurent.

Arc de Triomphe

Underneath is the tomb of the unknown soldier and the eternal flame. Wasn't so eternal in 1998 when Mexicans did an old fashioned 'Boy Scout-put out' on it after Brazil lost the world cup to France.

Musée d'Orsay

Also built for the World's Fair. I really liked this one. Van Gogh, Rodin, Monet. Impressionism amazes me. (Holla Sister Fischer).

Montmartre

Molin Rouge

Means 'Red Windmill.' Built same year as Eiffel Tower. Currently 80% of the dancers are Australian.

Van Gogh's House

Strange guy. Great paintings. They said he cleaned his brushes by sucking the paint off.

The Windmill of Montmartre

When Russians laid seige to Paris they destroyed the 15 of the 16 windmills so the people wouldn't be able to make wheat. Site of Renoir's windmill painting.

The Nimble Bunny Cafe

Where Picasso would trade art for food. The owner later became a very rich man.

Church of the Sacred Heart

Built as thanks to God for not being wiped off of the map by the Prussians in 1871. Has Roman, Byzantine, and Gothic architecture. Separate bell towers, domes, and gargoyles.

Le Bateau Lavoir

Where Picasso lived with Modigliani. Picasso was enraged when a robber came in thrashed their apt and stole some of Modigliani's work and not his own. Picasso and Modigliani had a falling out and later Modigliani broke into Picasso's home and stole his work.

Milan

2010-05-18T18:51:00.003-04:00

The train to Milan was super crowded. I sat knee to knee with a businessman the whole way. I had to do some spidermanning to use the on-board restroom to avoid the two inches of *ahem* water on the floor. We got into the Milan central station and went to our hostel. The 'Sweet Hostel.' Sweet Hostel my *ahem* foot. That place was a piece. So I did what anyone would do at 11pm in Milan. I left to get some pizza. It was a family style Italian restaurant. There were a couple of families finishing dinner. Probably the Corleones, arranging their 'business' affairs. The past couple of restaurants I've been to have had a flat screen TV playing. I'm used to seeing sports playing in a restaurant, but not just any station. Travel tip: do not watch TV at 11pm in Europe. Family restaurant my !@#$#...foot.

It was good to spend a day in Milan and get a small taste of Italy. We saw the Duomo, the second largest Catholic church. I even caught the 5pm Rosary too. The Sforza Castle is pretty impressive as well. We hit up the Milan fashion district and I spent €745 on a jacket. It is awesome. Ok really, no way. In the evening we caught a happy hour special. Free buffet when you order one drink. Easy. 'One Fanta Orange please.' So we had some interesting appetizers, and pastas. And we had as much as we wanted. We went to see if we could sneak in to see Da Vinci's 'Last Supper' but you have to book to see it a few weeks in advance so we weren't surprised when we were turned away. Seeing as how we didn't even decide to go to Milan until a couple days before, we couldn't complain. Let's just say it got put on the list of things to do on a later trip.

My travel buddy G$ is kind of a fly by the seat of the pants guy. I've been teasing him about it quite a bit. It even makes me nervous sometimes, which I think is saying a lot. He didn't want to buy train tickets to Paris until he was sure he wanted to leave Milan. We checked out of our not so 'Sweet' hostel, and put our bags in a locker at the train station, so we didn't have any place planned to stay for the evening. I was surprised he could go so far without making a decision and not be bothered by it. Intrigued by this little spitting match I agreed that we wouldn't book a train, or a hostel until we knew whether we wanted to stay, or go to Paris. I think the movie is 'Men in Black' where there is an alien spaceship that crashes in front of Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith and they don't move out of the way while it skids to a halt. Anyway, while the ship is plowing up the earth in front of them Will Smith keeps looking nervously back at TLJ to see if he's going to get out of the way. I was Will Smith today. About 9pm I put my cards down and said that if we'd seen enough of Milan, we should probably check on train tickets to Paris.

So we headed back to the station, and found out that since the Paris-bound train was already en route to Milan, there was no way to know if there were open seats (or beds, in this case). So we had to show up at 11:35 pm to see if we could get on standby. In the mean time I looked for an internet cafe in vain to see if we might be able to book a hostel just in case the train was full. So we showed up at 11:35, and we were actually able to get on second class. We even saved like €20 by going second class, and it wasn't even bad at all. Nice. We got the train we wanted and even saved some cash. I was stoked. That is, until the ticket checker came by and asked for our tickets and passports. He stamped our tickets, looked at our passports, gathered them up and said something in French and then, "You. Passport. Morning." What?! Ughhhhhhh. Everything had worked out so well. I guess we had just flown a little to close to the sun, on chicken wings and crappy bar food. So we shared a 6 bed bunk with 3 other French guys that night. Two of them were speaking Arabic as well. None of them spoke English and my combined Arabic+French vocabulary consists of about 6 words, so we didn't have much interaction with them. Anyway, it was ok because we slept on the train and got our passports in the morning and all was well in Paris.

Bern

2010-05-18T17:36:00.008-04:00

Be forewarned, I'm a little off my rocker tonight.

We caught an early train to Bern that put us there in the early afternoon. Hostels were a little more expensive in Bern than in Milan, so we hoped to see as much as we could in a day and catch an evening train to Milan. So we cruised around the city of the bear as fast as we could. We got a map from the info desk at the train station that planned out a little walking tour with some things to see. We rented a locker where we threw our bags and took off. I really wanted to see the Einstein museum (world's first) so we headed down through town to check it out. After the museum it was pouring rain outside. Hmmm. Undeterred we continued to tour Bern in the pouring rain for the next couple of hours. We saw a bear, Einstein's home, the rose garden that overlooks the city, the clock tower, and a couple of other churches and such. There are large number of fountains in the city of Bern, along with statues that commemorate different rulers, saints, etc. Since the 16th century the city has had a bear pit. So we went and saw the bear at the bear holding. I bought a green mango powerade to get me ready for the rest of the hike. Liquid gold my friends.

On the way to the Einstein museum there was a little old lady walking across the Kirchenfeldbrücke bridge and she stops us and says pointing to where we'd come from, "Blah blah blah blah Bundesgasse, blah blah blah blah. Das ist richtig?" Without missing a beat I say "Bundesgasse?" Then I pull out my map and point to Bundesgasse and then point her to where she needs to go. She thanks me and then walks away. My buddy looks at me like, 'ummm, what just happened and since when did you know German?' Then I made up some crap about understanding her because it wasn't Swiss German (which actually is way weird btw). I probably totally sent her in the wrong direction. Haha, poor lady. I thought it was a good language moment though. Later I learned that where she stopped us was the bridge that Einstein walked on everyday to get to the patent office. That's just how Einstein and I are similar- we get stuff. Let me give you some more similarities, here we go:

Striking similarities between me and Einstein

Einstein renounced his German citizenship. I am not a German citizen either.
Einstein was exempted from military service because of varicose veins, flat feet, and foot perspiration. My feet perspire too.
Einstein still couldn't speak much at age 3. At age 3 I couldn't speak Swabian German either.
Einstein lived in Munich where his father's business 'Einstein and Co.' did the lighting for Oktoberfest in 1885. I visited Munich in 2010, not quite exactly 125 years later.
Einstein's family moved to Italy after living in Munich, then he lived in Bern. I moved by train from Munich to Bern to Italy.
Einstein had an illegitimate child that he never met. I have never met any of the children I don't have.
Einstein was failed admission to the university of his choice because of a lack of language proficiency. I only applied to two schools for undergrad, so I was denied to a whole bunch of schools I didn't apply to.
Einstein wrote a letter to the president warning him of the danger of a potential nuclear weapon, and it wasn't taken very seriously. I wrote to Orrin Hatch in 6th grade for Boy Scouts, advising him to vote for the 'Brady Bill.' Sen. Hatch did not take me seriously either, and voted against it.
Einstein's fourth major hypothesis of gravitational waves, still hasn't been proved. None of my theories has ever been proved.
Einstein declined after being offered the presidency of Israel. I took my name out of the running for Senior class president when I found out my friend Cody was running, and I became the secretary instead.

I'm on the path.

Munich

2010-05-16T18:43:00.002-04:00

Wow, what to say about Munich. The beer capital of the world.

So on our walking tour we had these two girls from Michigan. They were both chemical engineers in college, and just graduated. They, both being chemical engineers, and quite cute, I had to ask myself what alternate reality I had entered. One-- understandable. An anomaly. Two? Ridiculous. This is ridiculous.

Later in the evening we stopped to grab some food in the middle of a downpour. We went to this cafeteria style place. It was pretty cool, because I got the house dish of the evening: potatoes, cabbage, and a huge slab of meat. My buddy asked me how it was, and I said, "Typical German food." (Meaning, how I expected typical German food to taste). This lady then looks over at me and proceeds to tell me her life story. She's from Bastan (Boston, for the rest of us), and moved to Germany when she married an old boyfriend, after her husband died, and his wife died. She now has her grandchildren and his teenagers at the same time, Germany has labor equality issues with women, German healthcare and retirement benefits stink...and btw Germans can't cook. ha. (According to her. I, however like many German foods like Leberkäse)

Munich is an interesting town. Unlike Berlin, and Frankfurt which have been largely rebuilt anew, after the war is reconstructed from 1930's Munich. A large amount of catalogues, recorded before the war, contain information that have helped rebuild the city as it once was.

When we visited the Neuschwanstein Castle we had a tour guide named Herr Rauch Korinia. He sounded a little bit like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Actually, he sounded like someone making fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Our tour group was huge inside the castle so he was shouting so everyone could hear. "It took 40 woodcarvers over 4 years to complete the king's bedchamber." When he started to give his spiel in the first room on the tour, this little old lady in front of me, not expecting him to shout so loudly jumped a full 2 inches in the air, it scared her so much.

We also visited the BMW headquarters, right next to the Olympic Park, and the displays in the main showroom. German engineering. Snap. In other news, we had a full room in our hostel. That hasn't happened to us often. There was this (I assume German) old dude in our room who snored louder than you can possibly imagine. Remember Grandpa Corbridge's imfamous snore? Amateur hour. Trust me, I was lucky enough to be in the bunk right above him. It was an unearthly, even inhuman sound. It was on a 7 tone reapeating scale of increasing volume. I can't even imitate it, at least without risk of monumental injury. Sweet fancy Moses, it was loud. I fell asleep with my index fingers plugged into my ears.

I'm going to jump into some history stuff that I found interesting. I am by no means a historian so you're going to have to brace yourselves. You're allowed to cringe as I give improper treatment to, and unintentionally butcher the facts.
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Some early... stuff.

The name Munich comes from the word 'monk' from when people used to live 'next to the monks.' The outline of a monk is one of the symbols you can find all around the city. The other symbol you can find is that of a lion. Bavarian land including Munich was granted to Henry the Lion knight.

He got the citizens of Munich in a bit of trouble when he burned down the town's toll bridge and built his own. As reparation the church determined the citizens would pay a 30% tax to the church for 150 years. However, the tax remained in place until 1934, when it was finally taken off of the books. Only 740 years too long.

The Frauenkirch, built from 1468-1488, is one of only a couple of buildings that lasted WWII bombings. The church is thought to have survived because its twin spires served as a landmark to bombers of the center of the city. Inside the church there is a little statue/plaque to Pope Benedikt XVL, who was from Munich. Over 3,000 Catholic priests were killed in WWII mainly for aiding Jews.

We visited St. Mary's square and the old town hall. In the middle of St. Mary's square there is a statue of a half chicken-half lizard which was thought to carry the plague. The plague was later attributed to cats. So they killed all of the cats. Woops. When the rat population exploded , they imported cats from outlying areas.

Oktoberfest

In 1871 Germany was formed out of three countries: Bavaria, Saxony, and Prussia. Otto von Bismark of Prussia was the driving force behind the union. Bavaria still remained a kingdom until after WWI in 1918. Bavarian kings came into power in 1806 when Napoleon reached Bavaria and installed Max Joseph Platz as king. The main stipulations were that Napoleon's daughter was to marry Max's son, and Bavaria was to give up 36,000 troops. In 1810, Joseph's son Ludwig I bought his bride to be a field, Teresa's meadow. In order to liven up the wedding gift they threw a huge wedding party there, with a horse race to commemorate the occasion. It was such a success that they did it again in 1811 and it became an annual tradition. By 1818, people began to sell beer at the race and Oktoberfest was born. Later instead of banning jockeys from drinking, they got rid of the horserace altogether. During Oktoberfest Munich's population swells fom 1.3 million to 6.5-7 million people in the 2 weeks of the festival. Local beer companies, make ~30% of their yearly profits in those 2 weeks. The Australian embassy, normally in Berlin, even rents out space in Britain's embassy for 2 weeks (supposedly to help all the Aussie partyers who have lost their passports after having one too many).

Bavaria's Michael Jackson

After the Franco-Prussian war, Germany signed its constitution in 1871 in the hall of mirrors in the palace at Versaille. Ironically, there they would sign the treaty of Versaille there years later. Around this time the state of Bavaria had a king named Ludwig II. He inherited the throne at age 18, passed down from when his great grandfather was installed as king by Napoleon in 1806. He had a love for the composer Richard Wagner, and brought him to Bavaria to work. Ludwig II never married, and was said to have sought escape in his castles. His third castle, which was never completed, sits about two hours outside of Munich by train. It is called the Neushwanstein Castle and is said to be the inspiration for Disney's Sleeping Beauty Castle. Ludwig would only spend 172 days there. After Ludwig spent his family fortune in his building projects, he was overthrown in a plot where he was declared insane by a doctor he'd never met. He was taken prisoner and exported to another castle. He disappeared with one of the doctors during an evening stroll the day after he was taken prisoner. Both his, and the body of the doctor were found underwater. Ludwig's watch had stopped at 6:54pm and the doctor's read 8pm. Years later notes from a fisherman, and friend of Ludwig, commented that he had plans to help Ludwig escape that night, but when he heard shots, he left. Ludwig's death remains a mystery.

The Hofbräuhaus and Odeonsplatz

It is very interesting to see how Germany chooses to commemorate its past. There is an inconspicuous line of gold colored bricks in the middle of the road that serve as a WWII memorial and the march of the beer hall putsch. After the events, Göring publicized that 20 Nazis had been honorably killed during the event (even though 5 of them weren't Nazis). They had placards placed at Odeonsplatz with the names of those who had died for the Nazi cause, guarded by Nazi soldiers. Each passerby was required to give the Nazi salute as they passed. It became known as 'dodger's alley.' Names were taken of passersby on nearby streets, and if anyone was suspected of avoiding the obligatory Nazi salute they could be sent to Dachau. You can still see dark square discolored blotches on the wall nearby, where the placards hung.
Odeonsplatz has a large building with two lion statues that line the steps in front. One has its mouth open, and the other has its closed. They symbolize silence before God, and an open mouth towards government. Hitler gave many speeches between these two lions. Ironic.
You can go have a drink in the visit the Hofbräuhaus at the center of town. The world famous beer hall was founded in 1589 by Wilhelm V, and is still state owned. It started as the royal brewery. It was here that many events occured that shaped the Third Reich. Hitler held many propaganda events that promoted the Nazi party at the Munich Hofbrahaus. It was there that he was elected head of the Nazis in 1921. In a nearby beer hall called the Bürgerbräukeller, Hitler staged the famous Beer Hall Putsch on 9 Nov 1923. Hitler had planned to overthrow the government and loaded a gun with a bullet intended for three leaders: the Bavarian Commissioner, the cheif of police, the cheif of the army, and one for himself in case the plan failed. He and his associates marched to the Bürgerbräukeller where the Bavarian Commissioner was giving a speech.
They fired a shot into the air and yelled that the national revolution had begun. At this point the three leaders were captured and taken into a sideroom while Hitler and his associates tried to win them to their point of view.
In the meantime Göring was giving a speach to the audience who were not allowed to leave the beer hall. Hitler grew annoyed with the Bavarian Commissioner and returned to the main hall to give a speech. With his public speaking skills Hitler won over the hostile crowd to loud applause. Eventually the crowd was allowed to leave, and Hitler left to deal with a crisis elsewhere. Shortly thereafter Hitlers associate, Ludendorff released the Bavarian officials. The rest of the night went on in confusion and not knowing what to do, around midmorning Luendorff shouted "We will march," and they began to march with their approximately 2000 supporters to Odeonsplatz. They met with a group of about 100 soldiers, and began to retreat. Shots were fired killing 15 Nazis, 4 police, and a bystander, a waiter from a nearby restaurant. Hitler's bodyguard took 11 bullets. He fled the scene, which caused a rift between him and Luendorff and they rarely spoke after that. Hitler then began a myth that only he could take his life.
Each year, at the Bürgerbräukeller, the Nazis commemorated the beer hall putsch. On the fifth aniversary, they received word that a young Jew, Herschel Grynszpan, living in France had shot and killed a German diplomat. He did this because of persecution Jews had been facing, and since his parents, living in Germany were deported back to Poland even though they were no longer considered Polish citizens. Thus they were refugees at the border, and wrote to their son for help. When the Nazis received word of the assasination, Joseph Goebbels is reported to have announced, 'We now have the answer to the Jewish question.' A night of persecution began known as the 'night of broken glass.'

We also visited the New Synagogue. It opened in 9 Nov 2006, the 68th aniversary of the beer hall putsch. The synagogue has been a gathering point of Neo-Nazi attention. However, when the Neo-Nazis stage protests, other protesters stage their own protest in protest of the protest. They have been known to make it so loud nearby that nothing can be heard where the Neo-Nazi event is taking place. On at least one occassion, on the day of a Neo-Nazi gathering, churchbells throughout the city rang for 45 minutes, drowning out any message to be heard.

Vienna

2010-05-14T18:40:00.006-04:00

We went to church at the English speaking branch. I could barely stay awake, we'd gotten up pretty early to get the train from Budapest to Vienna. The YSAs had their own Sunday school class taught by the Bishop, an Aussie. I suspect he hadn't called anyone else to be their Sunday school teacher because he likes clowning around with them too much. He was a pretty laid back funny guy. He even passed out some lollys. The class was about tripple in size with us and some BYU girls studying in Vienna for the semester. Those girls cracked me up. "Hi I'm Brittany, I'm from ____ and I'm studying to be a nurse, so I came to Vienna to learn German for no reason." Gotta give 'em credit for seeking to expand horizons. Actually, one of the girls did mention studying international relations and wanting to work for the UN. Then the bishop (working for the UN) chimes in, "Well I think I could probably convince you don't actually want to do that... Unless you're interested in arguing for a whole day whether a document should read, 'We urge you...,' 'We request that you...', 'It is suggested that you...', 'We kindly advise that you...,'" and on and on.

The coolest character of the day however, was a 70ish year old guy I sat next to in Priesthood. "I sink ouah Fahzah vahnts us to pray so ve kahn see vaht hes vill ees foah ahs." He asked me about our trip and I said that our next stop was Munich. "Ah you goeen to see ze Neuschwanstein Castle?" I didn't really know what he was talking about, so I just said, "I hope so." (That's the supposed inspiration for the Disneyland Castle) And yes we did end up seeing it.

We spent the rest of the day seeing Vienna. They even had a live feed on the wall of the opera house showing 'Carmen' being performed inside. I made a Mothers' Day card for my mom at the Schönbrunn palace. At the end of the day we stopped in a cafe, and my travel buddy Greg, channeling all of his suave starts to strike up a conversation with our waitress. I tried to say something in German then she says, "That's ok, but it's not something that you can use....How about this- 'Ein bier bitte.' Easy as that.

Budapest

2010-05-12T19:26:00.002-04:00

We rode into Budapest on a midnight train from Prague. Our sleeper car is a room with a door, 3 bunks, that all fold up into the wall, and a window that you can crack open. You can only book one of these trains if you have an overnight trip, otherwise the trains just have seating arranged on an aisle with four seats on both sides, i.e. groups of two that face each other with a little table in the middle that folds out from the wall. There wasn't a third person so the top bed remained locked up. For some reason I like sleeping in the bunks on the trains. I think it reminds me of my mission, and travelling with other elders to and from zone conferences. It can be super noisy and shove you around, but that's actually what you're paying for.

For only spending a day there, we got to see a lot. We had some previous suggestions, and we had our hostel clerk circle a few sites on a map and we set off to see the first one. It was a communist monument overlooking the whole city, from the west side. Budapest is built on the banks of the Danube river. The west side was the former city of Buda, and the east side the city of Pesht. The west side is quite a bit higher than the east, on which the Soviet monument, and castle hill reside. Castle hill, built in 1248, is a few km north, north of the monument and is home to national museums and a number of restaurants built into the battlements that line the cliff. The castle is incredible, and looks straight across the Danube at the parliament building on the east side. The parliament building is beautiful (3rd largest in the world), and was built by the winner of an architectural contest to design it. The second and third place winners of the contest got their designs put into other gov't buildings close by. Also, on the east side is the synagogue, which is the second largest in the world.

Anyone who has been to a former Soviet country will spot a Soviet monument a mile away. The formula is simple: A cement statue, usually of a soldier or leader, that stands quite high, maybe 50 feet, and overlooks the city. Prague had a ginormous statue of Stallin that overlooked the city, which is now the site of their giant metronome (supposedly marking the time of oppression, or time since freedom, or something like that). They blew the Stallin statue all to hell when they became a free nation. There's a picture of the detonation in the museum of communism, in Prague. It looks like they used about 10 times the necessary explosives to blow that thing up. Anyway, Budapest still has their monument overlooking the city. We climbed to the top to overlook the city. Budapest is huge. It sprawls in every direction as far as the eye can see.

We caught one of those hop on-off sight seeing busses to the castle and some of the other sites. You put on headphones and a lady with poor grammar and a wierd accent narrates what you are seeing. I felt like I could relate to the city not only because of Soviet rule, but because Budapest was sacked by the Mongols in 1241. They have a spot that is called something like Nobel road, where a lot of famous composers, economists, and John von Neumann (father of the computer) once studied.

When I went home I chatted with the hostel owner named Sechiey. He spoke English really well, which he had learned in Canada. I asked him about Canada and the Hostel business and he had quite an interesting story. One job he had had out of high school was working construction in Siberia. Later he decided to move to Canada. Travel must be easier to Canada as an EU citizen. He didn't have any plans, and didn't speak a word of English. He went with $1500 in his pocket -- that's it. He got off the plane in Toronto, went to a taxi and said, "Hotel." So the driver takes him to like the Ritz, where he spends $300 in two nights. Woops. $600 gone. On something like his 2nd or 3rd day he was eating in a cafe and spots a Hungarian girl. He said he knew by her look, and accent. So he starts chatting with her, and comes to find out she has a friend that can hook him up with a job at a factory. He gets a job there, and finds an apartment not speaking English. He said there was a lot of pointing and motioning on the job when he got instructions. He works there for a while until he catches wind of an opportunity in construction. So a few months later he starts his own aluminum siding business. Of course, he had never done aluminum siding, he just knew that the foreman said, if you can finish this house in a day I will contract you for more homes. He said, he'd seen it done before so he was confident he could do it. He finished the home, the boss checked his work the next day, and he won a contract to do the aluminum siding for 300 homes. He made a bunch of money, but wanted to come back home, so that's when he started 'The Leanback Hostel' on Erzebet (Elizabeth) street in Budapest.

Prague

2010-05-08T04:23:00.004-04:00

Part I

We took another one of these free city walking tours today. Not too bad. Our guide was a pretty funny Irishman. He and I connected by quoting 'The IT Crowd,' a British comedy that only went two seasons.
Prague has a really interesting look and feel. It's history is amazing. I think my next trip is going to involve a number of Bohemian and Slavic countries. This area of the world with all of its mythical past and traditions is so intriguing to me. My new favorite character from history is Good King Wenceslas. Maybe I'll name a kid Wenceslas and call him or her 'Whence' for short. Good King Wenceslas Skinner.
I'm going to try and download some Czech music that I heard in the Museum of Communism (fittingly located behind Prague's largest McDonald's). The song I heard was a lot about the struggles living in and desires to be free during communism.

As it turned out, towards the end of WWII when the Russians along with the Americans and Brits started closing in on Prague, the city was ecstatic. However, even though the Americans were only an hour away, it had already been decided that the Russians, who were 4 days away, would liberate Prague. The Czechs fought with the Germans for 4 days until relief came. After Czech was liberated it began to be subject to Russian influence and became a communist state. There are a lot of Czech heroes that helped the cause of a free Czech people. Their leader Dubcek was influential in allowing greater expression in speech, a precursor to glasnost and perestroika under Gorbachev.

Another hero was a 19 year old student who, poured gasoline on himself and burned himself near the university and national theater in protest of communism. He died 5 days later. One million people attended his funeral procession.

We had our first set of hostel roommates. Two girls going to Drexel, doing a study abroad in London. Some of their favorite parts of Prague, Absinthe and shots of mouthwash. They came home at 4am, just as I was going to bed (old habits die hard I suppose).

Part II

So we met a girl on one of our tours that is going to Budapest. We thought that sounded cool. So we're going to Budapest. In other news, I missed meeting up with my Prague Castle tour group because I was visiting the Oldest Synagogue in Prague (like I said, old habits die hard..visiting synagogues. Not being late, Mom. :)). So they left without me. I later met up with my buddy at the Dvorak concert at the Museum of natural history. In the mean time I found a free castle tour in the old town square from this Czech lady who sounded like she learned English by watching the evening news. Her intonation was so weird. It was like Chinese+Swedish spoken by Carol Mikitta. On my tour was a guy that plays basketball in the European league, along with his hottie Czech girlfriend who is also a basketball player. Interesting times in Prague.

Sachsenhausen

2010-05-08T04:22:00.000-04:00

Remember me wishing to have understood German for 30 seconds? Forget it. Some cat calls made it into english tonight. So, wish granted. Congratulations. I am now clawing my ears out.

We did a tour of the Sachsenhausen concentration camp today. It actually wasn't as heavy, for lack of a better word, as other holocaust memorials I have been to (i.e. Jerusalem, and D.C.). However, it was an entirely different thing to actually walk on the same ground and visualize these horrific events. Three thoughts:

The iron gate, at the front of the camp, that prisoners had to march through upon entering the camp for the first time, like other camps has the words "Arbeit Macht Frei," or "Work makes you free." Sadly, the freedom usually came through death.

Roll Call. Happened every morning and evening. Thousands of prisoners being accounted for. At one point around 30,000. The director of the camp was known for his meticulous roll call. Sometimes making it last 14 or 15 hours. Standing still in below freezing weather for hours, in a thin uniform. You had to be on time, as well as any friends you may have. Or you were beaten or tortured. Sometimes as many as 500 people lived in the 150 capacity bunks. When they awoke they had to dress, tidy the room, wash, use the one bathroom, with hundreds of other people. Sometimes the guards would even go into the bunks and create obstacles: tripping, beating people etc. and even drowning people in the toilet. After roll call you were assigned a duty. Brick making, or other tasks. The worst job was boot duty. Usually assigned to accused homosexuals. The job: testing German boots. The requirements: run. All day. The life expectancy of someone newly assigned to boot duty: 14 days.

The Fence. In the late 30's there was an electric fence surrounding the camp. Prisoners eventually used it to kill themselves. If they were seen running towards it they were shot in the legs. Eventually it was taken down. Prisoners did not even have the option of committing suicide.

Berlin

2010-05-08T04:19:00.003-04:00

Man is this town cool. What town has had more happen in it in the last 100 years than Berlin? We took a great walking tour in the late afternoon for a few hours from a free tour company. They advertise at all of the Hostels and work off of tips. Genius idea really. Sadly, I probably wouldn't pay for a tour like this. I especially wouldn't pay the money that I actually did pay. But since it was free...??? Yet, makes so much sense. I was very interested to see how the city of Berlin has chosen to represent its past. Top 3 things.
3- The Jewish memorial. Near the Brandenburg gate. Great big stones, all different heights, with the length and width of a coffin. A quote by Joseph Stalin. "The death of one man is a tragedy. The death of millions is just a statistic." Sadly true. The memorial center in the middle of these huge stones is dedicated to collecting the stories of Holocaust victims.

2- The old Nazi Air Force headquarters. Now the National Tax offices (makes sense). The building remained largely unscathed from bombings. Perhaps since it was a landmark for opposing pilots to orient themselves, or as legend has it, a gentleman's agreement between England and Germany's air force chief, Hermann Goering,

The front of the building has a communist mural. I saw lots of these in Mongolia. These murals show pictures of young and old people working together, officials and commoners shaking hands, and everyone working together. The mural still stands as it was painted in the 50's in East Berlin. This building was the site of the first anti-communist uprising June 17, 1953 when workers protested that work demands increased as wages remained flat. Those who lost their lives are commemorated in a black and white photo, to the same scale, and about 15 yards in front of the mural. The photo that has the faces of these people protesting was taken on this occassion.

1- In the town square across from Humboldt University over 20,000 books were burned that contained ideas incongruent with Nazi ideology. In the middle of the square, the cobblestone stops at a square piece of glass about 4'x4'. When you look down into the glass you see that the cobblestone you are standing on is part of the top of a room about 40'x40' and 20' high, and the glass forms the center of the room. The empty room contains bookshelves from ceiling to floor, all empty- room enough for about 20,000 books. A few feet across the square in the ground is a metal plaque with the words "First comes the burning of books. And then comes the burning of people." The quote, referencing the Spanish Inquisition, was written in a book published in 1820, one of the very books burned during the Humboldt book burnings in 1936 (i think).

We ended the tour on the steps of one of the museums on 'museum island.' Something talking about how the Berlin wall came down. After the tour we ate some amazing cake at the Opera House cafe. The lady that took my order complimented my German accent. At least I think she did. It was kind of a surprised look, like 'You said it right'... and then a bunch of words that I didn't understand except 'good.' That made my day.

But then what REALLY made my day happened walking home after dinner. We were propositioned by 4 hookers. One right after the other, within about a 30 second time span. Rapid fire. One of them pinched my left cheek. Nope, not the face.

Oh to have only been able to understand 30 seconds' worth of German.

Brussels

2010-05-08T04:17:00.003-04:00

Another day, another hassle at Heathrow. I missed my flight to Brussels partly due to a 'bank holiday.' I don't really want to talk about it. I got the next flight out which was two hours after the original, plus a little delay. I had planned to meet my old roommate at BRU since he was arriving from Philadelphia less than an hour before my flight was to arrive at about 9am. So the last we spoke, before we left, we realized that we wouldn't have cell phones so we struggled to come up with a back up plan in case we needed to get ahold of one another. Email was the best we could think of. So as I waited for my flight I sent an email at a little pay-by-coin internet computer. I also went to the British Airways service desk to see if they could send a message to my old roommate waiting at BRU. The kid who helped me was like 16, and it must've been one of his first days on the job. He seemed a little nervous, and there was a great big Scottish man looking over his shoulder telling him what to hit on his keyboard to send the message. So I dictated to him "I'm now on flight 932..."
"903?"
"932."
Then the scottsman chimes in. "Nyoo. Nyane thairt-ty tooa"

Anyway, my old roommate luckily checked his email in the internet cafe at BRU. I think he may be more of a fly by the seat of his pants traveler than even me. We got online and booked a hostel. The lovely Manhattan hostel in the heart of town. It is a rundown hotel. Pretty fancy for a hostel. There were a bunch of teenagers running around the halls until pretty late. Those crazy kids.

Brussels was a pretty cool town. Good chocolate. We checked out a few of the main parts and had some dinner in one of the restaurant alleys near the Gallery.

Leaving London

2010-05-06T20:14:00.002-04:00

I got a little behind on posting to the Blog since Brussels was a whirlwind, and we didn't have internet access at the lovely 'Green Eggs and Ham' hostel in Berlin. So I'll post some notes from the backlog. It might be a little bit of blog throw up, so maybe I'll trim down the posts.

Sunday-
Met some some interesting people in church today. I got a laugh in elders' quorom when introducing myself. "Hi, I'm Mark. I'm from Utah. I'm just visiting this week. I thought I'd visit my mission before I start a new job. I served in Mongolia... so I guess I'm taking the long route."
There were two BYU groups in church, some engineers trying to create a perpetual motion machine and some performers saving the world through music. I felt a little antimosity towards both of them for invading (admittidly hypocritical of me on at least three counts).
Anyway, I checked out the British Museum for a bit after church. Pretty awesome stuff. The Rosetta stone is pretty impressive. I also went to the Tower of London which is probably the most interesting place I visited in London. Mystery, intrigue, and at the heart of the city of London's history since at least 1066. Man, why did I never join the medivial club. I could've built my own armor by now. I wish I'd had time to spend a whole day at the tower.

At Covent Garden market I listened to some street performers, a stringed quartet and a guy playing some Jim Croce. That's the second dude I've heard playing older American music. There was a guy in the subway playing Cat Stevens' 'Wild World.' I got some ice cream on a waffle. (For no reason, other than that I thought it was going to be something compeletly different) Seating was quite limited so I asked a guy if I could sit at his table. Oh man. This guy had had about 5 too many, and I noticed it a little too late. I'm not as sharp as I used to be on the mish for detecting that.
"Are you American?"
"Yes."
"Alright! You guys are... I love Americans." A little awkward silence..."You saved our a** in WWII?" All of his friends started laughing at him.
He had a huge posse with him too, which made me a little uncomfortable about walking right away...besides the fact that he had a shaved head and was kind of big. Had this situation on my mission all the time. Walking away straight up, from a group of drunks, usually causes more of a scene than if you just let it play out a little bit. They were pretty funny. In a couple minutes we talked a little about everything, politics, religion, sports...

Top two moments from the crazy Brits:
#2
"So you're from Utah? Ah, are you a Mormon?"
"Yes."
"No way. Are you oneing me up?" (He kept saying that, and I still don't really know what it means).
He was really respectful and said he apreciated the lifestyle I tried to lead. Spoken like a true drunk man.
"Let's go Saints! Let's go Saints!" He even chanted randomly that at a few different points.

#1
A few minutes later, when we were either talking about who has the better army, or the better world cup team the big dude's wife comes and sits on my lap. Everyone looks at her wierd for a second but then just act like it's normal. I don't know what to do, so she just sits for like 2-3 minutes and my foot starts to hurt and fall asleep. Amidst the awkwardness I try to get feeling in my foot and maybe push her away. Then she puts her arms around me. Everyone is staring at me. So what am I to do? I just start giving her a big hug around the waist. Then to the big guy I say,
"This is what I do. I come to your country and I steal your women."
Two girls from the posse start cracking up. (Crap, why did I say that?) I must've looked like such an idiot. But after the awkwardness subsided a little we took a few party photos, that I'm sure they'll have no recollection of, and I headed out. Can't a guy just eat a little ice cream?

p.s. In case you were wondering the British army is 'better, pound for pound' (whatever that means in this context). As for world cup, I probably shouldn't have brought it up. All I got was "What do YOOOO know about the World Cup?" Touche. Nothing.
"Just that we're playing each other."
"ok. Who else?"
"That's it."

London

2010-05-01T20:27:00.004-04:00

So the real fun began this morning. They started handing out the border entry cards a little before the end of my flight from DC to London. There is a spot on the entry card for you to put your name, passport number, blah blah blah, and the address of the place you'll be staying in the UK. Bad news. I booked my hostel a couple hours before I left DC. Heck, my friends were joking around with me because I booked my flight to DC the day before. I was just pleased I HAD a place to stay, whatever the address was. So I suppose that doesn't make me much of a planner. I had no idea what the address of the hostel was. I'd seen it on a subway map and had a vague idea of how to get there. I figured the worst case scenario was that I get online at the airport, or go to a cafe and look up directions. I'm just not one to be bothered with these minor details - tickets, addresses etc. :) So I get off the plane and ask the flight attendant, as well as one of the workers at the border entry what I should do if I don't know the address. They didn't know. Call someone, was their solution. Well, I don't have a phone, and all of the wireless networks in the airport were password protected so I couldn't look it up. So I wrote the name of the hostel ("The Backpackers' Hostel" -- which didn't help) and crossed my fingers. As it turned out I got a mean British-Indian lady. When I got to the front of the line she was not happy with me. She proceeded to chew me out for a while. Felt like 15 minutes, but it was probably more like 7 or 8. "If you don't know the address, how are you going to get there? How do I know you're ever going to leave the UK? What do you think the border police in the US would say to me if I didn't know the address of my hotel in the U.S. when I came to visit? Do you have any evidence you are leaving? How could you be so irresponsible? This is unacceptable." Over the course of her outrage she said the word unacceptable about 23 times. Any mentioning of electronic tickets, my future job in New York, and my plan to look up the address when I got internet access only further infuriated her. The best part though was when she started to ask me if I had any money. I showed her a couple of credit cards and I said I had some cash.
"How much cash?"
"Around 85 USD."
"Let me see it" (she proceeds to count it twice and then practically has an aneurysm) "There's ONLY $53 here!"
"Well, I spent some in D.C. on a couple of things including dinner with my sister."
"Do you have a receipt for the dinner?"
"Umm (I pretend to look for it). No."
Then she recaps her case of why I'm an idiot. 1- I don't know the address, 2-not having any printed any tickets, 3-wearing a Barclays sweater that I could've gotten anywhere, 4- Your not carrying any British Pounds, and adds on top of it "now you've lost ALL credibility because you don't even know how much money you have!"
My only thought was, wouldn't paying no attention to a minor detail like how much money I'm carrying, only add to my credibility, since I obviously have paid absolutely no attention to slightly larger details like where I'm actually going to stay. Of course I didn't say anything, just a lot of looking at the floor, some yes ma'ams, and nods of contrition.
She was livid. At one point she sees me digging through my carry-on bag trying to find something that will make her happy.
"Is that a laptop?"
"Yes"
"Ok then. Show me your electronic tickets."
At this point I'm beginning to feel like David Spade in "Tommy Boy" when the travel agent tries to book him a ticket from Chicago instead of TO Chicago where he wants to go.
"Hi, I'm Earth. Have we met?"
"(puzzled) I don't think so."
So by this point I'm compiling a list of my own. 1- You're wasting 15 minutes over information we could look up in the phone book in 3 seconds. 2- You work in an airport, and you don't have any concept of what an eTicket is. 3- You actually think that there is a direct correlation between a person knowing the exact dollar amount of cash in their pocket, at any given point in time, and having bad intentions in a foreign country. 4- You think that I would actually exchange dollars into pounds in my home country where I DON'T NEED THEM.
So anyway she threatens that if I don't get out of line and find more verifiable information she will have to question me further. She knows I don't have a phone and there's no internet, so i say bring on the questions. She then says 'unacceptable' a few more times, and ends up letting me in based on the fact that I have Russian and Chinese tourist visas valid later in the month.
"But, I'm not happy about this. I 80% believe you and 20% think you're going to wander around for a few years illegally." Are those exact percentages ma'am?

I suppose I'm lucky, but the bottom line is that I'm making up an address next time.

Anyway, that was quite the rant. On to other news. It's Saturday night I haven't been to bed since Thursday morning. I tried to sleep of the plane, and even took a sleeping pill. I think I've been fighting sleep for so many years that when more sleep chemicals enter my body that my natural reaction must be to fight against them.

Saw some awesome places today. Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, Hyde Park, the National Gallery, St. James' Cathedral. I showed up at the Globe theater around 8:30pm thinking no one would be there since I was the only one in the dark alleys that I wandered to get there. I went to walk in to see if I could check it out but as it turns out I was turned away since Macbeth was playing. So I wander around a little and end up walking in the front entrance. There are a lot of people getting refreshments so I ask a different doorman if it is just starting or if it's intermission.
"Intermission"
"Do they usually sell out every night"
"Yes, they usually do."
"Do you think there are any empty seats?"
He then gives me this look like, 'I'm really impressed that your love of the theater is so great that you would even want to get in at intermission.'
"Let me ask."
He disappears to talk to his manager.
"I'll tell you what. If you go put something in the donation box, however large or small, we'll let you in where there's standing room."
"Absolutely. Done."
So I empty my change and end up standing in the rainy Globe to watch the second half of Macbeth.

And THAT, my friends, is how you gain admission to a country for which you don't have a valid entry card, AND to a play that you don't have tickets for.

Second State to the Right and Straight on Til Morning

2010-04-14T03:38:00.008-04:00

Before I get deep into my taxes and watch SportsCenter for the 4th time, I thought I would jot down a few favorite memories and quotes from the weekend. They were too hard to rank, so I put them in chronological order. If I had to pick a favorite I would probably say it's a tie between #2 and #3.

19. Precisely. NW: "That is actually the third most beautiful place in the world."
18. The Rock Jump Shriek. JS: "Ahhhh!"
17. The football to the truck. ZZ: (shrug+grimace)

16. The football where it counts. ZZ: (slumped over+grimace). Me:"I am sooo sorry."
15. Expensive taste. AH: "So, how's that GRAPE juice?"
14. The accidental food throw. SW: "At least I acted like a lady, and didn't throw it back." Me: "I am sooo sorry."
13. The Knee club. AH: "You've had reconstructive knee surgery? ME TOO!" DH: "Me too."

12. 'Breaking' the soap dispenser on the sink. (me looking around discreetly) DH: (smiling) "That happened to me 5 min ago."
11. Breaking one of the darts. Me: "I am sooo sorry"
10. Cooking Skillz. ZZ: "So how do we make it?" DH: "Hmm. Don't Know. I'm actually much better at ordering breakfast."
9. Only at CU. The hairy dude: "I usually practice on grass, but this morning I ran out. Just kidding...it's Boulder, I never run out."

8. Padres epithets. 8 yr old fan: "Bell! You. Are. Sub-par."
7. No Bus? JS, DH, Me: "Welp, back to the suckfest."
6. The noise club. NW: (to me) "You snore." JS: "So do you!"
5. All alone and one row behind. (RWM-random ward member) "What, are we not exciting enough for you in Boulder?" Me: "...um...I was concentrating."

4. When talking to the Mongolian sister missionary. (RWM or perhaps DH) "Whoa, don't get excommunicated."
3. The casserole to the tablecloth. ZZ: (head drop+sigh+grimace+red face) later on- "No, she didn't tickle me, if she had it'd be on the wall."
2. Foot in mouth. (Pointing to an old picture of NW) Me: "What RACE are you?" BW: "She has some Cherokee in her." Me: "Hahaha" (NW) "He's 100% serious." Me (realizing): "haha...um...really. What side of the family?"
1. The back cracker...a.k.a. the neck breaker disclaimer. DH: "Actually, if your back doesn't need to be cracked it just hurts a lot."

So did you notice the common theme? I'll give you a hint, it's me apologizing (for injuring people, breaking things, throwing food, sleeping loudly, and sleeping period). Thanks to all who made it possible.

Others From the Fam.
JW: "Take I-70 East!" NW:"We CAME East."
DW: (to NW) "You're going down!"
SW: "You STILL have to buy a car."
BW: "Next trip destination- NY!"

Honorable Mention Characters:
Brad Hawpe
Tupperware Beef
Cliff the clueless RTD driver
The Rockies security lady who takes her job very seriously...even in the top of the 13th
The Palm Pre
Winston Churchill
The Camcorder- "Any last words?"
The Rockies Jacket
Rhubarb pie

Song of a Scotsman

2010-01-11T17:08:00.010-05:00

In my usual fashion I present here a list in one of my many areas of expertise - film scores. This is for those of you looking for some inspiration, or just something to help you relax. Refute or deny as you wish, but I give to you THE top 20 tracks from an original film score in 5 categories:

If you're going to listen to any of them, listen to the #1s. If you only listen to one of them, listen to Legends of the Fall. I dare you not to not like it.

The Beautiful Tracks:

1. Legends of the Fall - The Ludlows** - James Horner (5:40) Gs Yt
2. Field of Dreams - The Place Where Dreams Come True (9:08) Gs Yt
3. Lord of the Rings (The Two Towers) - Evenstar - Howard Shore (3:15) Gs Yt
4. The Shawshank Redemption - So Was Red - Thomas Newman (2:44) Gs Yt

Honorable Mention:
Armageddon - Armageddon Piano - Trevor Rabin (0:36) Gs Yt

The Tranquillo Tracks:

1. Finding Nemo - Nemo Egg (Main Title) - Thomas Newman (1:20) Gs Yt
2. Cast Away - End Credits - Alan Sylvestri (7:30) Gs Yt
3. The Shawshank Redemption - Suds on the Roof - Thomas Newman (1:36) Gs Yt
4. Black Hawk Down - Leave No Man Behind - Hans Zimmer (6:18) Gs Yt

Honorable Mention:
Transformers - No Sacrifice, No Victory - Steve Jablonsky (2:57) Gs Yt

Music that might give you the ability to punch through lead:

1. Friday Night Lights - Your Hand in Mine (Goodbye) - Explosions in the Sky (2:05) Gs Yt
2. Gladiator - Elysium-Honor Him-Now We Are Free* - Hans Zimmer (8:15) Gs Yt
3. Remember the Titans - Spirit Score - Trevor Rabin (7:28) Gs Yt
4. Black Hawk Down - Minstrel Boy* - Hans Zimmer (5:43) Gs Yt

Honorable Mention:
Friday Night Lights - Your Hand in Mine (w/Strings) - Explosions in the Sky (4:08) Gs Yt

Tracks of Inspiration:

1. The Shawshank Redemption - End Title - Thomas Newman (4:06) Gs Yt
2. Transformers - Optimus - Steve Jablonsky (3:18) Gs Yt
3. Apollo 13 - Main Title - James Horner (2:30) Gs Yt
4. Braveheart - A Gift of Thistle - James Horner (1:38) Gs Yt

Honorable Mention:
Lord of the Rings (The Two Towers) - Samwise the Brave - Howard Shore (3:46) Gs

Tracks that might make you cry, but not in a good way:

1. Black Hawk Down - Gortoz A Ran* - Hans Zimmer (4:30) Gs Yt
2. The Sixth Sense - Malcolm is Dead - James Newton Howard (4:47) Gs
3. Batman Begins - Corynorhinus - James Newton Howard - (5:05) Gs Yt
4. Armageddon - Harry Sees Dad - Trevor Rabin (2:31) Gs

Honorable Mention:
Batman Begins - Macrotus - James Newton Howard (7:36) Gs Yt

And one for good measure. An old Scottish/Irish drinking song that may very well be sung at my funeral:
Waking Ned Devine - The Parting Glass* - Shaun Davey (5:37) Gs Yt

* - With Vocals

I await your suggestions for improvement, and all that your caged wisdom might add.

Luck of the Draw

2009-02-22T01:33:00.010-05:00

Job interviews can be a total crapshoot. Just be glad you did't get asked these kinds of questions...or maybe you did. I compiled a short list of twelve brain teasers representative of what my friends and I have been asked in the past month or two during job interviews. An average interview may contain 3-5 such questions. At one company I took two, 30-minute tests filled with these kinds of questions. At another, my interviewer asked me arithmetic questions for 25 minutes. Six of these questions I was asked in real job interviews while the others were asked of my friends. Oh yeah, you only get pen and paper for the last three questions. Solutions are listed in the comments. Enjoy. (number 8 is my favorite)

1) Casino Game
A casino wants to try out a new game. The 'dealer' will blindly draw a poker chip out of a hat that contains 100 chips, each numbered from $1-$100. Each number occurs only once. Before the dealer draws the number, the player makes a guess. If his guess is within 10 above, or 10 below the number drawn, then he wins the dollar amount on the chip. In order to make a profit (on average) What is the minimum amount that the casino should charge players to play this game?

2) The Five Pirates
There are 5 pirates and 100 gold coins. In turn, each will propose a plan how to divide the 100 coins amongst themselves. After each proposal they will all vote on whether or not to accept the proposal. A proposal needs a majority vote (more than 50%) to pass. If it is not passed, the proposer has to leave. The process is repeated until a consensus is reached. (Obviously, if only 1 pirate remains after 4 rounds of voting then he gets all of the coins.) If each pirate wants to get as many coins as possible, how many will each pirate get?

3) Digital Option
You are a trader at an investment bank selling a digital option. Upon sale of the option, you agree to pay the buyer $1 in the event that company A's stock's price reaches $100. If company A's stock is currently worth $75, at what price should you sell the digital option?

4) A Wise King
A king over 10 provinces requires each province pay 1,000 gold coins, each weighing 10 oz., in taxes each year. This year, the king has been told that one of the provinces cheated him, by shaving 1 oz. of gold from each coin. How can the king prove which province has cheated him using only one measurement on a scale?

5) Missing Number
At the end of the day your boss is going to give you a spreadsheet. The spreadsheet will contain 9,999 numbers that are out of order. Each number is a distinct integer falling from 1 to 10,000. What will be the fastest way to tell which number is missing? i.e. the shortest amount of time for a computer. (hint: sorting the list is too slow)

6) Area of a Parallelogram
A parallelogram is divided into 4 triangles by drawing 2 lines, one from each vertex to it's opposite vertex. What is the area of the parallelogram in terms of the area of one of the triangles?

7) Integers
There are three integers, x,y, and z. They all add up to 20. x must be bigger than 0, y must be bigger than 4, and z must be bigger than 5. A solution is a set of x,y, and z that meet all the criterion. How many solutions are there?

8) One Hundred Story Building
You have two identical dinner plates and you are curious to find out how durable they are. You are in a 100 story building and decide to drop them out of the window on each floor until you know the height that produces a shattered plate when dropped. Minimizing the number of drops (on average), how do you determine the exact height (within one story) at which the plates break when dropped? (If you start at the first floor and drop on every floor until one breaks, you would know the exact height. Since you have two plates, you should use this to your advantage)

9-11) Arithmetic
What's 798*8 ?

Tell me the square root of 200 within 2 decimal places?

You have a roulette wheel, a deck of cards, and a six-sided die. What is the probability that they all turn up on the same number?

12) Logic Puzzle
The following 4 statements are written on a note card, how many of them are true?

Exactly 1 statement on this card is false
Exactly 2 statements on this card are false
Exactly 3 statements on this card are false
Exactly 4 statements on this card are false

Find your path

2008-09-27T23:39:00.006-04:00

Did you arrive at college an wonder what the heck you were going to do with your life? Did you go to school for 4 years and continually meet people with majors that you'd never heard of? That always bothered me. I went to undergrad for 6 years...I'm no dummy. So I'm making a list of starter classes for people who may want a little bit of an idea of 'what's out there.' I took most of these classes a time or two. These classes are special though, they're the classes from which you can take something away directly- practical knowledge, preparation for, or an idea of a career path.

Almost EVERY one of these classes has an associated career path. If I were to advise incoming freshman or fresh RMs I would tell them to take as many of these classes as they could handle while taking their general studies classes so that they would have an idea of what to do after they finished them. I think I was kind of delusional to think that I was going to have a better idea of what I wanted to do with my life after taking American Heritage. Good class, very relevant to our lives, but to only a few careers.

I admit that these are all biased towards my interests which lie in the mathematics/business/engineering realm. But that's why it's my blog. I can write whatever (the) crap I want.

Accounting 200- Intro to Accounting
If you are considering EVER doing ANYTHING in business you should take accounting, "the language of business."

Business 371R- Entrepreneurship Lecture Series
Think you want to own your own company? Think again. Or just go listen to how these people 'made it.'

Business 320- Organizational Behavior
This is the basis of the whole Human Resources (a pretty sweet) profession. These are the people that do job interviews, plan company events, make sure that everyone is getting along in the company.

Economics 110- Intro to Econ
I love econ. Very analytical yet very practical. Ever want to know why the economy is always in the news? Another class that makes math interesting.

Engineering 595R - Patent Law/Intellectual Property seminar
I thought I wanted to be a patent lawyer. Good information.

Electrical/Mechanical Engineering 191- Seminar/Careers in engineering
I thought I wanted to be a mechanical engineer. This class made me want to be an electrical engineer

Sociology 112- Intro to Social Problems
This will give you a good idea of what types of issues researchers, governments and in general most women are worried about, and what problems they will make a career out of solving.

Physics 121 Intro to Physics
Newton, Einstein, velocity, motion, gravity, math, science. Modeling the universe. Amazing. Also a prereq for ANYTHING in engineering, and what makes math interesting.

Chemistry 105- Intro to Chemistry
If you want to do ANYTHING in the health profession you will at some point (probably early on) have to take this class. This class is what I imagine Medical school to be like.

Computer Science/Electrical Engineering 124-Computers
This class teaches you how a computer works all the way down from little electrical ones and zeros to writing code. Need to have a little programming background (CS 142)

Math 190- Mathematical Reasoning
Solid class. Will increase your 'mathematical maturity' which helps you as a logician, a scientist, LSAT taker, or whatever…and makes you a better human being

Statistics 221- Basic Statistics
If you plan to get a PhD in Sociology, Psychology, or work almost anywhere in business management, statistics will be your friend - or enemy. Better become acquainted now. Statistics is an awesome subject, and makes research meaningful (just a little dry done BYU style with the power points and online crap.)

Business 479 - Creating and managing new ventures
Hey, if you're serious about starting a venture you might as well get into the guts of it with smart rich professors.

Business 412 - Investments Academy
This will teach you about I-Banking. Think Michael Douglas in Wall Street

Computer Science 412 - Linear Programming and Optimization
Rigorous ways of doing supply chain, scheduling, and other optimization problems. Just think, how does Southwest find the cheapest way to get all of their planes everywhere they need to be and on time everyday.

Electrical Engineering 483 - Feedback Control
A must if you want to go into robotics. Start taking calculus and differential equations now to get ready for it.

Math 513R - Topics in Applied Math
Finance, Operations Research, Insurance, Modeling, tons of good stuff is taught under this class heading every semester. And its ALL math!

Food Science 191 - Intro to Food Science
Hey, free food almost every week (at least when I took it). A nice break from school.

Business 413 - Real Estate Finance and Investment
umm…it's real estate

Business 382 - Financial Services Lecture Series
People in financial services can make some decent money selling life insurance, financial planning for people, investing in mutual funds. Lots of common sense matched with sales.

Business 384 - E-Business Lecture Series
This is a 'wish I would've taken' class. The subject is fascinating to me.

Facilities Management 110 - Fundamentals of Facility and Property Management
This program has 100% job placement. Think of it, maintain business complexes, apartments, skyscrapers, college campuses…anything you want, and do repairs for your own real estate investments on the side. I want to do this career.

Plant and Wildlife Sciences 103 - Residential Landscape Design
You could major in landscape management. Who knew? I did. Because my friend is in this major.

Civil Engineering 100 - Civil and Environmental Engineering Seminar
There are more girls in Civil Engineering than probably all of the other engineering majors combined. Building design, concrete, soil, trusses, surveying, water treatment, roads, bridges, you name it. I think this field lends itself to having your own consulting practice after 10 years moreso than any of the other engineering fields.

Arabic 101 - Introduction to Arabic
I often went to the CIA, NSA, and FBI booths at the career fairs. Inevitably they would ALL ask me. "Do you speak Arabic?" These people need Arabic speakers in a major way.

Chinese 101 - Introduction to Chinese
Business is done in English now yes, but who doesn't want to tap into a market of over 1.3 billion people, 20% of the world's population.

Student Development 117 - Career Exploration
Student Development 139 - Introduction to Health professions
Student Development 198R- Prelaw Seminar
Student Development 229 - Preview of Dentistry
Student Development 239 - Preview of Medicine
Student Development 439 - Medical and Dental School Application
Student Development 329 - Dental School Preparation Laboratory Experience

And finally the list of classes I will take someday just because I want to:
Marriage Prep
Personal Finance
Writings of Isaiah
Graduate Econometrics
Robust Control
Matrix Analysis

The Brevity of Youth

2008-08-13T00:50:00.006-04:00

The glory days are over, and it's a bit sad. So I decided I must pay tribute to days past by doing my new favorite thing- compiling a list.

Upon first read, although it may not seem like it, all of these are things I'm going to miss...yes, even the annoying ones. These are the things that have brought a smile to my face over the past, short 21 semesters. So farewell friends, and farewell P-town. (You are welcome to listen to Elton John as you read this list.)

Things I'm going to miss:

Bronco
Trying to figure out what to do with my life
'Ace' kicking Math classes
The word 'Ace'
The changing seasons: summer to fall and winter to spring.
Interviewing for internships every year in the Wilk
Lazy Fridays
How Coach Robert Anae looks like what I imagine Helaman did
BYU Economics
J-dawgs
#6 Library in the nation
Dr. Lu
Ward prayer
People hating on ward prayer
Cecil's goofy accent
"I'm so old, I've been home for 2 years now."
Liar's Dice
Sunday night firesides
The north-of-campus crowd
TA-ing
False doctrine
Being street contacted by guys wanting me to sell alarms next summer
Feeling a little dirty after leaving the Tanner building
People who remember the 80s
Seeing mission comps greet each other for the first time since the mission
Volunteering at the TRC
1984 (Not Orwell, LaVell)
The stigmas attached to apartment complexes
Oddly many chances to speak an obscure language
19 year old BYU girls talking about getting their mission papers from their bishop next month
"It's Pittsburgh not Philadelphia"
The restaurant formerly known as Beto's
Letters to the editor
The 6 hour line at scoreboard grill
The non-existent line at Teriyaki Stix
SoulForce preparations
Church fashion shows
Arrested Development-speak
Come on!
Final Countdown
After-hours access to the Talmage.
How all the cute girls reappear during reading days
Talking with people about life plans
Fruitless ward-hopping
Lazy Saturdays
Trying to convince people not to major in Engineering
BYU going PAC-10 rumors
Loving...AND hating the investment banking club
The Conference translation team
Park City
Eating lunch under the church office building
People who know everyone
The Campus Plaza pool
BYU Physics
Ward spotlights
'Freeing' up my schedule (a.k.a not going to Devotional) then wasting two hours
The Clyde Building's sole window on the ground floor.
Trumping Zoobies in the "Where did you go on your mission?" game
Lazy Mondays
Professor Stokes
Hating on Papa John's
Boating at Deer Creek
Residual American Heritage anger
The first Divine Comedy show I attended (none of the subsequent ones)
Everyone knowing who Raj is
"What language do they speak there?"
Medivial club sword fights
Sub of the day
A campus run by bitter middle-aged women
Feeling awkward at ward talent shows
Californians hating on Utah
Promising myself I'll go to the next Basketball game
Ending a relationship and feeling like you've dodged a bullet
Free food in Brigham Square
People playing frisbee the first day the sun shines
Making stupid dating theories
Parties for 'The Office'
Judging people
Justifying judging people
That Big guy that does Comedy Sports
New juice and ice cream places
The short lived four square club
Overly creative group dates
Professor Lang
Lazy Tuesdays
Two dates being serious for a BYU girl
Having 30 best friends freshman year...not remembering their names in two years
Being roped into volleyball games
Beating Utah
Lazy Wednesdays
Cougartails
Being introduced to new music, new shows
Kneaders all I can eat (i.e. 3 pieces) of french toast
Being chewed out by BYU Parking Enforcement
Paying someone's full salary in parking tickets
My research advisor/rabbi
Crappy Physics lab equipment
Fudging the numbers
Jones-fest
Asian TAs
The BYU Singers
The Math Lab
Campus construction
Wanting to inflict actual and lasting physical harm on the booter guy
Day dreaming of someday actually having the guts to do something about it
Breakfast sandwiches in the Cougareat
Calling it the 'cou-gare-ee-at'
Wanting to go camping just because the sun is shining today
Provo Canyon
James Tang stories
The 'gunners' in religion class
University Avenue at 2 AM on the 4th of July
BYU football becoming popular again
...and of course my friends!

A little too much Lost

2008-07-22T14:59:00.001-04:00

I think I watched a little too much 'Lost' last night. I finished season 3 and I went to sleep at about 4 am only to awake after a gunshot to the back of my head from Ben, the leader of 'the others,' ended my visit to his Pittsburgh home.

You know those conversations in the show where Ben talks to Jack and you know he's just playing mind games with him? We were having one of those conversations, in his house and I was trying hard not to give anything away. You know, holding my cards close to the vest. At one point I even contemplated shooting him. Eventually I took the glasses, from a table, that I had come to pick up. (And I have no idea why these glasses were so important)

So, I said goodbye to Ben Linus, and right after I turned my back and was about to reach for the front door, BANG I felt my head jerk forward as a bullet hit me in the head. I fell to the ground and looked up at him and he taunted me with something like, "Nice try."

DANG IT! Why didn't I shoot him when I had the chance!? Stupid Ben Linus.

Top Financial Engineering Programs

2008-07-21T19:44:00.006-04:00

Getting a degree in Quantitative Finance can be a great career
move. It can be very expensive as well. So I just want to call it from where I sit. I'm sure my opinions will change over time. Feel free to add comments.

I really like reading lists of things and so I'm going to publish a list of something that I actually have an opinion about: financial engineering master's degree programs.

Are you stoked?

1. New York University (NY, NY)

Masters of Science in Mathematics of Finance
Courant Institute of Mathematical Sciences

In the heart of Wall St. and housed in a really good math program.

2. Carnegie Mellon University (Pittsburgh, PA)

Masters of Science in Computational Finance
Tepper School of Business

These guys do it right, interdisciplinary, career services available, internship after 2nd semester, and probably the biggest alumni network (for their program, not school).

3. Cornell University (Ithaca/NYC, NY)

Masters of Science in Engineering (Option in Financial Engineering)
School of Operations Research and Information Engineering

Third semester is in Manhattan at their Broad St. campus, which is a big plus for networking.

4. University of California, Berkeley (Berkeley, CA)

Masters in Financial Engineering
Haas School of Business

Probably the best public university in the world, and a top ten business program. On top of that you have the option of looking for work on the east and west coast. The program is short, so it seems like it is most beneficial to those with some industry experience.

5. Columbia University (NY,NY)

Masters of Arts in Mathematics (Specialization in Mathematics of Finance)
Departments of Mathematics and Statistics

6. Stanford University (Stanford, CA)

Masters of Science in Financial Mathematics
Departments of Mathematics and Statistics

7. Columbia University (NY,NY)

Masters of Financial Engineering
Department of Industrial Engineering and Operations Research

This list pretty closely resembles how I would respond to each of the schools if I were admitted to all of them. Fortunately I only applied to 3 of them and was admitted to one so my decision wasn't too difficult. It represents my overall view of the quality of the program, including job placement.

The first three programs (NYU, CMU, CU) top the list because they have summer internships built into the system, which is a must for me, coming without prior financial industry experience. CMU and Berkeley rank highly because they are both housed in B-schools and offer a lot of career assistance. CMU is the oldest of the programs, I'm guessing NYU, Stanford, and Columbia MAFN are the most mathematically intense, and that NYU, CMU, and Columbia have the best reputations on The Street. Although, I have heard negative things about Columbia's MFE program from multiple sources.

This seems like a pretty good resource with some basic info on different programs.
Quantnet 2009 Rankings
Top 10 Quant Schools
Global Derivatives rankings

MIT: the new Harvard

2008-06-25T17:17:00.000-04:00

I've been to a few movies this summer and I took notice that most 'genius' movie characters are MIT grads. So I did some investigating and compiled this list. It is laboriously entitled: 'Important fictional characters and the institutions which they attended.' But first, here are some of my general observations about how a school's brand is used to portray a fictional character.

Harvard grads are the crème de la crème of either doctors or lawyers.

MIT grads are geniuses in the sciences, or have large amounts of wasted potential.

Princeton grads have rich parents, or ties to politics.

Columbia grads are smart people, but mostly just cool New Yorkers.

Yale grads are rich AND snooty.

Harvard

Thurston Howell, III (Jim Backus, Gilligan's Island)
Major Charles Emerson Winchester III (David Ogden Stiers, MASH) - Medical
Mitch McDeere (Tom Cruise, The Firm) - Law
Elle Woods (Reese Witherspoon, Legally Blonde) - Law
Ben Campbell (Jim Sturgess, 21) - Medical
Skylar (Minnie Driver, Good Will Hunting)

MIT

David Levinson (Jeff Goldblum, Independence Day)
Will Hunting (Matt Damon, Good Will Hunting)
Dr. Ronald Quincy (Jason Isaacs, Armageddon)
Rockhound (Steve Buscemi, Armageddon)
James Clayton (Colin Farrell, The Recruit)
Dr. Tobias Fünke (David Cross, Arrested Development)
Benjamin Gates (Nicolas Cage, National Treasure)
Dr. Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffudd, Fantastic Four)
Charlie Eppes (David Krumholz, Numb3rs)
Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr. Iron Man)
Mickey Rosa (Kevin Spacey, 21)
Ben Campbell (Jim Sturgess, 21)

Princeton

Charles Logan (Gregory Itzin, 24)
Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin,30 Rock)
Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale, Batman Begins)
Doogie Howser (Neil Patrick Harris, Doogie Howser M.D.)
Sondra Huxtable and Elvin Tiideaux (Sabrina LeBeauf, Geoffry Owens, The Cosby Show)
Uncle Phil (James Avery, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)
Mary Jensen (Cameron Diaz, There’s Something About Mary)
Sam Seaborn (Rob Lowe,The West Wing)
Charlie Eppes, Larry Fleinhardt (David Krumholz, Peter MacNicol ,Numb3rs)
Joel Goodson (Risky Business, Tom Cruise) gets accepted to Princeton
Charles (Scot Baio, Charles in Charge) gets accepted as a Princeton grad student

In Family Ties Mallory's (Justine Bateman) French language tutor and ex-boyfriend Jeff went to Princeton after graduating Harding High. Mallory broke up with him when she saw him kissing another woman while visiting him on campus. She got so upset and inadvertently ruined Alex's (Michael J. Fox) interview.

Columbia

Alex Hitchinson (Will Smith, Hitch)
Eric Richman (Mike Vogel, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants)
Meadow Mariangela Soprano (Jamie-Lynn Sigler, The Sopranos)
Stanley Goodspeed (Nicholas Cage, The Rock)
Will Truman, Grace Adler (Eric McCormack, Debra Messing, Will & Grace)
Jessie Spano (Elizabeth Berkley, Saved by the Bell)
Carol Seaver (Tracy Gold, Growing Pains)
Dr. Jack Shephard (Matthew Fox, Lost) (Fox is also a Columbia alumnus)

William Forrester (Sean Connery) bears a likeness to J.D. Salinger, a Columbia alumnus.

Yale

Rory Gilmore, Richard Gilmore (Alexis Bledel, Edward Herrmann, Gilmore Girls)
Niles Crane (David Hyde Pierce, Frasier)
Sideshow Bob, Montgomery Burns (The Simpsons)

Bad Job Interview

2008-06-24T02:29:00.000-04:00

A guy named Michael Lewis was fresh out of a Master's program at the London School of Economics and landed a job at Salomon Brothers in the early eighties. He wrote a book about his experiences called "Liar's Poker." Part of the training program at Salomon entailed listening to lectures from different traders.

'When [O'Grady] entered the classroom, the first thing he did was to have the video that usually recorded events shut off. Then he closed the door. Then he checked for eavesdroppers on the ledges outside the twenty-third-floor windows. Only then did he sit down.

He began by telling us how he had come to Salomon. He had been one of the firm's lawyers. The firm's lawyers, when they saw how good traders had it, often ended up as traders themselves. The firm had actually invited O'Grady to apply. He interviewed on a Friday afternoon. His first meeting was with a managing director named Lee Kimmell. When O'Grady walked into Kimmell's office, Kimmell was reading his resume. He looked up from the resume and said, "Amherst Phi Beta Kappa, star athlete, Harvard Law School, you must get laid a lot." O'Grady laughed (what else do you do?).

"What's so funny?" asked Kimmell.
"The thought that I get laid a lot," said O'Grady.
"That's not funny," said Kimmell, a viciousness coming into his voice. "How much do you get laid?"
"That's none of your business," said O'Grady.

Kimmell slammed his fist on his desk. "Don't give me that crap. If I want to know, you tell me. Understand?"
Somehow O'Grady squirmed through his interview and others, until, at the end of the day, he found himself facing the same man who had given me my job, Leo Corbett.

"So, Dick," said Corbett, "What would you say if I offered you a job?"
"Well," said O'Grady, "I'd like to work at Salomon, but I'd also like to go home and think it over for a day or two."
"You sound more like a lawyer than a trader," said Corbett.
"Leo, I'm not making a trade; I'm making an investment," said O'Grady.
"I don't want to hear any of that Harvard Law School clever bullsh--," said Corbett. "I'm beginning to think you would be a real mistake. . . . I'm going to walk out of here and come back in ten minutes, and when I come back, I want an answer."

O'Grady's first reaction, he said, was that he had just made a catastrophic error in judgment. Then he thought about it like a human being (what was so refreshing about O'Grady was that unlike the other men from 41, he seemed genuinely human). Salomon had invited him to interview. Where did these butt-heads get off issuing ultimatums? O'Grady worked himself into an Irish rage. Corbett was gone far longer than he promised, making O'Grady even angrier.

"Well. . ." said Corbett, upon his return.
"Well, I wouldn't work here for all the money in the world," said O'Grady. "I've never met more a------s in my entire life. Take your job and stick it up your a--."
"Now I am finally beginning to hear something I like," said Corbett. "That's the first smart thing you've said all day."
O'Grady stormed out of Salomon Brothers and took a job with another Wall Street firm.'

That was only the beginning of the story though. About a year later after O'Grady had become an excellent bond salesman Salomon called him again, apologized for the way it had treated him and amazingly he agreed to listen and was hired.

Southwest...?

2008-06-22T17:24:00.001-04:00

So this is my question. Do you like flying on Southwest? Wait, think about it. Don't let me bias you at all but whenever I fly southwest I feel like I'm flying on a big yellow school bus with wings. Plus, the past few times that I've flown on Southwest I have failed to print out my boarding pass the night before, so I feel like an idiot when everyone else, eagerly holding their 'Group A' pass (like some kind of gold star) gets up and takes all of the good seats. I had to sit between....BETWEEN a husband and wife my last flight because neither would take the middle seat. So, does Southwest just suck? I'm guessing no, because in 2007 they carried the most passengers of any airline (101 million).

Caged Wisdom

2007-12-15T02:00:00.000-05:00

The title of my blog has a long and glorious tradition. It started with a roommate last year who never came out of his room. Because of his large beastly qualities and a unique stench, readily identifiable upon entry to the premises I started to call our apartment 'the cage.' The name caged wisdom came about later when I was mentioning to a friend that my roommate stays in his room most of the day except to return dishes to the kitchen sink. Upon a chance encounter he would speak to you for about 15 minutes at a time, without letting you speak, about his favorite tv shows or movies, local restaurants, about how he didn't like our previous roommates, about how you were wrong about everything, and about how he didn't like your friends, even occasionally insulting them when they happened to be there. He would then retire to his cage, and his TiVo, only to return when he had more 'wisdom' to impart to your (un)fortunate soul. My other roommate said it best when he described his thoughts during one of caged wisdom's instructional (one way) conversations: "Is there anything that I can say to you right now that will make you let me go?" I suppose that sometimes we best keep our wisdom caged.

Hello World

2007-12-12T04:35:00.000-05:00

This is my first blog and I thought I'd kick it off in stunning nerd fashion.

public static void main(String args[])
       {
          System.out.println("Hello World!");
       }